


The New Regulars

by MisterDrBob



Series: The New Regulars [1]
Category: Persona 5, Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Crossover, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Wholesome, unlikely friends, unmentioned spoiler characters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-31
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-01-15 19:42:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 27,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21258608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisterDrBob/pseuds/MisterDrBob
Summary: In which Cafe Leblanc sees a series of odd visitors, leaving Sojiro to wonder what the hell Ren has been up to. (Posted from my account on fanfiction.net)





	1. The First Visitor

Steam rose from the cup along with the invigorating aroma of freshly brewed coffee. Sojiro Sakura sighed in satisfaction as he took the first sip of the day. The morning sun was bright, and the beams that could make its way through the minimal window space of Leblanc pulled their weight in brightening the normally dingy room.

Sojiro recalled that on one occasion, Haru had suggested removing the screen from the windows to brighten the place up, but Sojiro had declined. Yusuke, who also happened to be present, had agreed with Sojiro, on the grounds that the dreary atmosphere "served the aesthetics of the Sayuri" quite nicely. Sojiro didn't get half of what that kid went on about when he started talking about art, but he was glad that his "aesthetics" were appreciated. The argument had convinced Haru as well, who had said something about considering the virtues of low light when she finally opened her own cafe. Yusuke had vowed to paint her something that would suit the desired ambient light.

The smells of the coffee and curry still made Sojiro feel at ease. Mostly because they reminded him of Wakaba. That bittersweet pang rent his heart again. The one that he felt every time he looked at Futaba, or thought about curry. "But that would be all the time," you might say. And you'd be right. And it had only gotten worse since the kid had moved back home and taken that stupid cat with him.

Sojiro hadn't heard from Ren too much lately. He still checked in enough to assure the old man that he hadn't been forgotten, but he seemed busier lately. Sojiro couldn't help but worry. Ever since he'd discovered that calling card in Futaba's room, worry was part of his default mode of being. It didn't help that Futaba had been extra hyper lately, although she wouldn't say why. Late into the night, Sojiro could hear her giggling and cackling and squealing with delight, and on at least one occasion, he could have sworn he heard her cry "Yes! Final Smash time, Joker!"

Joker. It could have been a gaming thing Futaba was shouting about, but...Sojiro couldn't explain how, but he knew somehow that name meant Ren. Did this mean he was up to Phantom Thievery again? But that was impossible with the Metaverse gone. Or it was if Sojiro understood correctly, and that was far from a given. But if Ren was up to his shenanigans again, then why wasn't everyone else as on edge as Futaba? True, Ryuji was as bombastic as ever, but that was hardly unusual. Ann and Makoto were their usual selves too, so if something was going on, then only Futaba was through the roof about it, which didn't seem likely.

Sojiro was snapped out of his musings by the jingle of the bell that announced the arrival of a customer.

"Morning," Sojiro said, not looking up from his crossword puzzle. "Be with you in a sec."

"Take your time," came the reply. "Mind if I smoke in here?" It was an unfamiliar voice. Gruff, and a bit raspy. Perfect Japanese, but with a hint of an accent. A foreigner? Sojiro looked up. Indeed, this man looked as though he were part-Japanese, but he was definitely an American.

"Go right ahead. You new in town?" Sojiro asked, folding up the newspaper and stuffing it into his apron. The newcomer was more interesting than the puzzle.

"Something like that," the man said as he sat down at the counter and lit up. "This isn't my first time in Tokyo, but I've never been in this neighborhood before."

There was an air of mystery surrounding him, but Sojiro, who usually found that sort of thing off-putting, couldn't help but instantly like this guy. At the very least, he clearly had good taste in cigarettes. They didn't give off much smoke, but what smoke was emanating from them was clearly the result of a low-tar blend.

"Well then let me welcome you to Yongen-Jaya with the best damn cup of coffee you'll ever have," he said proudly.

"I've heard great things about it," the man said. "Ren told me I should stop by."

Sojiro almost dropped the mug he'd taken to start the customer's brew.

"You're a friend of Ren's?" Sojiro said in surprise. "Should've known, that kid knows all kinds of people."

"You're Sojiro Sakura, right?" the man asked. "He talks about you a lot."

"Yeah, that's me," Sojiro said. "I didn't catch your name though."

"Name's David," the newcomer said, extending his hand.

"So how do you know him?" Sojiro asked as he shook David's hand.

"It's a bit hard to explain," David said.

"Trust me, after everything that kid and I have been through, not much surprises me," Sojiro chuckled.

"He did mention that you knew all the details of his…past enterprises," David said.

"Is he up to that sort of thing again?" Sojiro asked, a note of panic creeping into his voice. "I swear to God, if that kid gets himself killed…"

"It's not exactly that sort of thing," David said cryptically. "But it's along the same lines."

"So, what, is the Metaverse back?" Sojiro asked.

"I'm not 100% sure what that means," David said.

"But I thought you knew him from Phantom Thieving," Sojiro said, taken aback.

"Let me put it this way: I know Ren as Joker, and he knows me as Snake."

"Those like codenames?"

"Exactly. Joker was Ren's codename as leader of the Phantom Thieves. Mine was given to me by the U.S. Military."

"The Military?" Sojiro was impressed. "I don't know if Ren told you this, but I used to work in the government myself."

"He said something about it offhand," David said. "Something about cognitive research?"

"I was a liaison to a researcher, yeah," Sojiro said. "Don't know how much he told you about how that turned out."

"Nothing really. Like I said, it was just in passing."

"Ah, well it didn't turn out so well, and weirdly enough, it ended up having quite a bit to do with everything that happened when he was running around with the Phantom Thieves."

"I see. My background is…well, it's complicated."

"Oh yeah? Why don't you try me this time?"

Forty minutes later, Sojiro and David were laughing like old friends.

"So then he says that I got all the dominant genes, while he got all the recessive genes. And like I just told you, it's been a _long_ day. I've been abducted from my home, and I'm worried about my dogs and whether this is going to make me miss the Iditarod. I've been shot at, attacked by a ninja, tortured by electrocution, bitten by wolf dogs, lied to by my best friend, and after all this, the only thing going through my head as I'm on the top of this smoking wreck with this maniac is: 'I don't think he knows how genetics work.'"

Sojiro let out a great bellow of a laugh.

"So what happened next?"

"Well, I beat Liquid in a fistfight, then got the hell out of dodge with Meryl. And Liquid still wasn't dead. Chases us down in a jeep, we crash, still not dead! And then finally after all of that, FOXDIE gets him."

"Wow. So what happened with Meryl? You two end up hitting it off?"

"For a little while," David said. He seemed a bit nostalgic. "Didn't last long, though. What about you?"

"Nah, never married," Sojiro said. "But when I was young, hoo boy…"

"Ren mentioned you have a daughter."

"Adopted daughter. But I did love her mother very much."

"What happened?"

"She was killed." Sojiro had never really felt at ease talking about Wakaba's death. But David's life had been so crazy, Sojiro was starting to feel like he could talk about anything with him.

"She was the researcher you worked with, wasn't she?"

"Wakaba," Sojiro said, gazing into his mug of coffee. "Most brilliant woman I ever knew. There was no way I'd ever be good enough for her. But damn, am I lucky to have Futaba around."

"She's lucky too," David said. "Ren as well. He speaks very highly of you."

"Well it's good to hear he's not a complete ingrate," Sojiro snorted. It was at this moment that the bell rang again, and one of Sojiro's regulars entered.

"Mornin' Sakura-san," the regular greeted. "The usual, please."

"Coming right up," Sojiro said. He turned to David. "You're welcome to stay as long as you'd like."

"Thanks, but I should probably be going. I was in the neighborhood, so I thought I'd drop in and see if Ren was exaggerating. I mean, he's told everyone about you and this place."

"And? What'd you think of the coffee?"

"Best I've ever had."

"Well just for that, and for being the kid's friend, it's on the house."

"Thanks. I'll be sure to drop in again sometime."

"I look forward to it."

"Pleasure meeting you," David said as he put his cigarette out and stood.

"Likewise, David," Sojiro said. He found himself grinning. "Or, Snake."

Snake grinned back. It wasn't too often that somebody used that codename in such a quaint place as a cafe. He said a final goodbye and retreated into the Tokyo daylight.

Sojiro kept busy throughout the rest of the day, his mind still on the unexpected encounter. It was only as he was locking up that something occurred to him.

If Ren was telling "everybody" about Leblanc, what other kinds of characters could he expect a visit from? And just what the hell was Ren up to?!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey all, thanks for stopping by and reading! I started writing this while waiting for Joker to drop as Smash DLC, and have had a lot of fun with it. It's still not quite done yet, but I've been spending a lot of time on AO3 lately, and wanted to bring this story to as many fans of Persona 5 and Smash Bros. as possible. I'll have all current chapters up relatively soon, with new chapters being added both on here and fanfiction.net.
> 
> As to this specific chapter, I still really like the idea of Snake and Sojiro finding some common ground. One of the simpler chapters, but it's the one that really got this idea going, so I've got a soft spot for it.


	2. The Curry Master's Apprentice

Sojiro blinked. The new arrival was still there, standing on the doormat.

"Uhhh, I take it you're a friend of Ren's?"

The stranger nodded, but said nothing. The silence was supremely uncomfortable, and Sojiro was a man who thrived in silence.

"Well, welcome then," Sojiro said, still not sure how to react to what he was seeing.

"Are you the one Ren calls 'Boss'?" So he _did_ speak!

"Uh, yeah. Sojiro. Or Boss if you prefer."

"Ren tells me you're a curry master."

"Well not to toot my own horn or anything..." Sojiro began. The stranger looked around, and began walking around the cafe, as though he was searching for something. He wore the strangest outfit Sojiro had ever seen, and yes, that included all the times he'd gone to Shinjuku. He wore a blue sort of tunic, with a thick pair of leggings underneath, and sturdy leather boots. That wasn't necessarily the weird part, though.

No, what was weird was the _freaking sword and shield he was wearing on his back_. And the quiver of arrows at his side. And the strange tablet-like device he wore on the other side. His blonde hair was on the longer side, and pulled back into a short sort of ponytail, and long side bangs framed his face, drawing attention (as though they needed any help) to the long, pointed ears.

"So..."

"Sorry, forgot to introduce myself. Call me Link."

"Okay, Link. Did you want to try the curry, then?"

"Yes."

Link was a man of frustratingly few words.

"Coming right up."

"Wait."

Sojiro stopped. Link had seen the small kitchenette from which Sojiro made the curry.

"What's up?"

"Can you teach me?"

"Teach you how to make curry?" Sojiro said, completely unprepared for this development. A total stranger, in every sense of the word, had come into his domain and was asking for his treasured curry secrets? Unheard of! He hadn't taught anyone how...except for Ren.

Suddenly this was making more sense.

"You tried Ren's, didn't you?"

"I did. It was good."

At least the kid was doing him proud. Sojiro didn't know what he'd do with Ren if he was going around making subpar curry. Leblanc's name didn't need sullying, thank you very much.

"So why not ask _him_ to teach you? Seems like you see him more than I do these days."

"That's not going to work. I need to know how to best him."

"Oooookay? You mean, like in a cooking competition?"

"No, we're not officially in that kind of competition."

Okay, this was weird.

"Officially? You mean to say that you're up against him in an official sort of competition too?"

"Yes, it's a bit hard to explain."

"Been hearing that one a lot lately," Sojiro grumbled.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean to insult you," Link said. "I have been on many travels, Boss, and on those travels I have often had to fend for myself, foraging and hunting for my own food. It's forced me to become a creative chef. And I can make some curry dishes, but none of them compare to what Ren served me and our friends. I cannot sit by and be complacent. Please, teach me."

Link's sudden loquaciousness took Sojiro off guard even more than his silence had. He supposed that if Link was devoting this much energy to putting his thoughts into so many words, it was truly important.

"Alright, Link, you've got yourself a deal."

"A deal?"

"You catch on quick. A deal isn't a deal unless you have something I want. Lucky for you, you do. I'll teach you how to make my curry if you try to explain to me just what Ren is up to."

_I am thou, thou art I... Thou hast acquired a new vow._

"Alright," Link said. "Have you got a place where we can make a fire?"

"Uh, well, there's the stove," Sojiro said, pointing at the dilapidated appliance. Link stared blankly at it. Sojiro turned the knob, starting the burner. Link jumped back, arms raised in a defensive position, as though he was afraid he'd catch fire.

"What magic is this?" He asked, somewhat awed, but mostly suspicious.

"Uh, it's not magic. It's the convenience of modern-ish technology," Sojiro said. If the ears hadn't been enough, this reaction was getting him to think that maybe, just maybe, Link wasn't exactly from around here. "Look, see in the back there? That pipe that runs from the stove to the wall supplies it with gas, and that knob I turned controls a spark plug that ignites the gas and creates a fire you can cook on."

Link studied the machine with reverence. He tentatively reached out and turned the knob to the right, jumping back when the flames rose.

"Okay, maybe don't go messing with it just yet," Sojiro said, hastily dialing the heat back down. He reached into the low cupboard where he kept the pots and pans he used to make curry. "You mentioned that you can make a few curry dishes yourself. If you've got time, I'd like to see what you've got."

"Very well," Link said. He approached the stove with a bit more confidence.

"Well you're going to need some ingredients first," Sojiro couldn't help but chuckle.

"Oh, thank you, but that won't be necessary. I always carry some on me," Link said. He reached into a small pouch on his belt. Sojiro hadn't noticed it. From the pouch, Link pulled a few small bottles and a bag of rice. Sojiro blinked hard, took off his glasses, and rubbed his eyes. There was no way that tiny pouch could have held all that!

Link was paying no mind to Sojiro's bafflement. He was eyeing both bottles, thinking hard. He set both of them on the countertop behind him and Sojiro, and dug into the pouch again. Sojiro could hardly stifle a yell of surprise as Link pulled out a large cut of meat.

"How did you-?" The question was cut short as Link returned his attention to the bottles. He took one of them, transparent, and filled with some sort of spice, and poured a bit of the contents into the pot.

"Some Goron spice. The foundation of any curry," Link said. He poured some of the rice into the pot along with it. "The finest Hylian rice. Now, the only question that remains, is do we go traditional and a bit safe, or do we get adventurous?" He indicated the second bottle, this one purple, on the second option.

"Why? What's in that one?" Sojiro asked.

"An ingredient that can be a bit unpredictable," Link said cryptically. "You probably wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Well, let's start simple and then see how adventurous we can get," Sojiro said. Link nodded, and replaced the bottle in the pouch. He threw the fine cut of meat into the pot. Sojiro couldn't quite see what Link was doing, but whatever it was, he was working fast. He hummed a little tune as he worked. Before Sojiro knew it, Link was presenting him with a plate of curry.

"Gourmet Meat Curry," Link said proudly.

Sojiro eyed the plate skeptically. There was no way that a good curry could have been cooked in just a few minutes. He cautiously took a bite.

It wasn't half bad. It wasn't all that great either, but Sojiro took his time in getting as much enjoyment out of the Gourmet Meat Curry as he could. He did have to admit that the quality of the meat was surprisingly high. And he wasn't familiar with "Goron spice," but whatever it was, he wasn't opposed to it.

"Okay, that's a pretty basic curry. And you cook it well enough, although I'm surprised at how quick that was," Sojiro said. "But like I said, it's a bit basic. Let's go adventurous."

"Okay," Link said. "Just remember, I gave you fair warning."

Trying not to be intimidated by the ominous words, Sojiro watched as Link took more Goron spice, Hylian rice, and added the contents of the purple bottle to a new pot. A few minutes later, Link presented him with another curry.

"I don't think this one turned out as well," Link said, almost a little sheepishly.

Sojiro apprehensively took a bite. He almost spit it out.

"What the hell?!" He yelped, mouth full of the horrid stuff. "What's in this?!"

"Goron spice and Hylian rice," Link said evasively.

"Don't give me that, what was in that second bottle?"

"Monster Extract."

"I'm sorry, Monster what?"

"Monster Extract. Done well, it can actually enhance a curry quite a bit. But today, luck was not on my side."

"You can say that again," Sojiro said, gulping down a glass of tap water.

"I'm sorry, Boss," Link said. "I should have known better to have tried something so unreliable."

"It's okay, Link," Sojiro said. "But you know, I'm not sure what to make of your cooking methods. You just use rice and spices, and somehow get something actually resembling curry in a few minutes? It doesn't make any sense."

Link shrugged.

"I cook quickly. One never knows when a Bokoblin raiding party will ambush. Or when a Guardian will come prowling."

Sojiro decided he did not want to know what any of that meant.

"Well look, if you want to learn how to make curry like me and Ren, you're going to do it the right way. And it takes time. A lot of time," Sojiro said. He turned to the refrigerator and opened it, only to let out a cry of dismay. "Of course, on today of all days, I'm out of apples. And the grocer across the way said they'd be out until Thursday."

Link held out an apple.

"I have plenty of apples," he said pleasantly.

"Of course you do," Sojiro said, committing then and now to give up on trying to figure Link out. "What else have you got in that pouch?"

As it turned out, in addition to apples, Link had a gorgeous looking comb of honey. Sojiro sampled a bit of it, and was amazed that he had gone so long without knowing honey like that existed. Sojiro was adamant that Link refrain from using more Goron spice since he wasn't sure how the recipe would act with it instead of its usual blend. Aside from the rice and meat, there was nothing else Link had on him, but Sojiro was happy to fill in the blanks for him.

"Let me explain!" He began, gearing himself up for one of his famous curry lectures.

For the next hour, he coached Link in the art of selecting the right fruits, yogurt, chocolate and coffee to create a balanced flavor profile.

"Some people like to use instant coffee to make a more complex flavor," Sojiro said. "But in case you haven't noticed, I take coffee very seriously around here, so I don't tolerate any of that instant stuff." The vacant expression on Link's face told Sojiro that he wasn't quite getting what "instant coffee" meant, but Sojiro decided to ignore that and instructed Link to bring him some Mocha Matari beans.

Before Sojiro knew it, Link knew his way around the kitchenette, reaching into the fridge unhesitatingly to retrieve a bottle of steak sauce, and carefully pouring in a measured portion of red wine.

"You're a natural," Sojiro said admiringly as they let the curry simmer.

"I'm only as good as the recipe," Link said. "And it seems that this is a very special one."

"Sure is," Sojiro said.

"How did you come up with it?"

"Ah, well the thing is, I didn't," Sojiro said. He wondered how well he could explain Wakaba's curry to him. How she had used science to come up with a surefire great curry. Then he figured, Link didn't exactly need to know. All he had to know was how to make it.

"Well however you came by the recipe, I'm glad that you taught it to Ren. And grateful that you've allowed me to learn as well," Link said, bowing his head slightly.

"Don't thank me yet, let's see how it came out," Sojiro said. He divvied up the portions, and nodded to Link. They both took the first bite at the same time. Link's face lit up in delighted pleasure. Sojiro's reaction was more subdued.

"Not bad," he said, chewing thoughtfully. "Keep practicing, and you'll get there. But this is a good start."

"Thank you, Boss," Link said. "I'll remember this kindness."

"Well remember that you have your end of our deal," Sojiro said, wiping his mouth. "Tell me about what you and Joker are up to."


	3. Stay Fresh!

As it turned out, Link couldn't tell Sojiro much. Oh, Sojiro was sure the elfin warrior knew everything that was going on, but there was only so much that Link was _allowed_ to say. And what he could say still didn't make much sense to Sojiro. Something about how he'd been a part of it since the very beginning, but it hadn't actually been him, and that had gotten him on a huge tangent about the history of Hyrule and alternate timelines and reincarnations and on and on and on. It made Sojiro's head hurt worse than whenever Ren and Futaba tried to explain how the "God of Control" that had appeared over Shibuya was connected to Wakaba's cognitive psience research and their escapades with the Phantom Thieves.

There was only one thing for it: it was clear that Futaba knew something, and Sojiro would have to start asserting his authority as her father and get her to tell him. He couldn't help but recall how poorly it had gone the last time he had tried to make her tell him something that she really didn't want to. In the end, Ren had saved the day there, just like he always did.

She was sitting at the bar, tapping away at her laptop. Sojiro was keeping himself as busy as he could, dreading what he knew would have to come.

"Uh, Futaba?" He said, not looking at her.

"Mhm?" He heard her distracted reply.

"It seems like you're keeping something from me. Something important."

There was no answer.

"I don't want to accuse you of anything, but it seems like Ren is up to something, and you know what it is. Do you think you can tell me?"

Still no answer.

"Futaba, you can tell me. I promise I won't get mad." Out the corner of his eye, he could see her, sitting still. Why had she gone so quiet? Had he made her panic?

"Look, just tell me and we can get it all over with!" Sojiro said, turning around to face Futaba. But Futaba wasn't there. No, the person - or thing - sitting at the bar looked a bit like Futaba, but Futaba was definitely not a squid.

The toilet flushed, and Futaba returned from the small bathroom near the staircase.

"Did you say something Sojiro? Oh!" Futaba looked surprised as she saw the new arrival. "WHOA! AN INKLING!"

"A what now?" Sojiro asked. He knew full well that this would turn out to be another one of Ren's new friends, but he was having trouble processing that right now. These new friends had gotten stranger and stranger. Snake had been normal enough, and Link, though definitely not normal, wasn't that big a strain on believability. But this thing was only vaguely human.

"It's an Inkling! They live in Inkopolis and wage Turf Wars!" Futaba said excitedly. The Inkling seemed to understand what Futaba was saying, but the sounds coming out of its mouth were unintelligible.

"Is this a gaming thing?" Sojiro asked. "Like one of those things you're always making noise with when you play online?"

"Yeah!" Futaba said, poking the Inkling's tentacle-hair. The Inkling was a bit annoyed by this, but seemed more flattered than anything. Sojiro couldn't believe the resemblance. The tentacles on the creature's head looked almost exactly like Futaba's hair, and the mask-like ring of black flesh around the eyes gave the illusion of Futaba's glasses. All it needed was a laptop and green coat.

"So what is a thing from one of your video games doing here?" Sojiro asked. Perhaps if he feigned ignorance, Futaba would tell him what was going on.

"It's a friend of Ren's, obviously!" Futaba said. "Come on Sojiro, it's not even the first one to drop by!"

"H-how did you know about that?" Sojiro stuttered. Then he remembered that back during the days of the Phantom Thieves, Futaba had bugged Leblanc. In fact, that was how she had discovered their identities in the first place, which let her blackmail them into changing her heart. Evidently, the bug had remained in place.

"We need to have a serious conversation about invading the privacy of my customers," Sojiro said. "But for now, we have a guest. And maybe while we're enjoying her company, you can tell me what exactly it is that Ren has been getting up to."

"Can't say," Futaba said.

"You can't, or won't?" Sojiro said.

"Can't."

That was all he was going to get out of her, and he knew it.

"I don't like that you're keeping things from me again, but it's clear that it's not really up to you."

"I knew you'd understand! Now, I hunger! And Inkling probably does too!"

"Do squids eat curry?" Sojiro asked, cocking an eye at the Inkling. She gave a response that yet again, Sojiro couldn't understand.

"It's probably worth a try," Futaba said. "Booyah!"

"Booyah!" That word had excited the Inkling, as it made a triumphant gesture and repeated it.

"Ooh! I bet she'd love Akihabara! Or Shibuya! Or Shinjuku!" Futaba was getting carried away again.

"Slow down there, Futaba. I don't know how Inkling got here, but you probably shouldn't draw too much attention to her."

"You're right," Futaba said, slumping onto the bar. "I suppose I'll just have to do some shopping for her, and have Ren pass it along!"

The curry was served up. The Inkling didn't seem to like the curry as much as some other patrons Sojiro could name, but at least she was polite enough to finish it all and express her thanks.

"So I can't really understand what she's saying, but maybe you can tell me a bit more about her, Futaba?" Sojiro asked.

"Yeah, I guess I can," Futaba said. "It all began with the Great Turf War..."

"I'm gonna stop you right there," Sojiro said. "Because if I have to hear another long-winded explanation about something that I can't hope to understand, I'm going to retire on the spot."

"Okay, okay, sheesh," Futaba sighed. "She's a kid, then she's a squid. She shoots ink, her opponents shoot ink."

"You can be a bit more detailed than that," Sojiro said.

"That's really all a turf war is," Futaba said. "Teams of Inklings cover a playing field with their team's colored ink. They have all kinds of neat gadgets they can do it with!"

The Inkling was nodding enthusiastically, and had produced what looked more or less like a Super Soaker. The old-fashioned kind that had been around when Sojiro had been just a bit younger, not those fancy new ones that looked way too complicated.

"Ooh! A Splattershot! Classic!" Futaba said. The Inkling tossed it into the air and caught it as it spun.

"So it's like paintball?" Sojiro asked.

"A bit," Futaba said. "Just on a much bigger scale. You packing any other tools on you?" She asked the Inkling. In response, the Inkling pulled out a giant paint roller and a strange pyramid-like glass device.

"Heh. Maybe I should have her redo the interior," Sojiro chuckled.

"She'd have it done in a second with those," Futaba said. "Be careful with that one, it's a bomb."

"A bomb?!" Sojiro said in a panic.

"Relax, it just gets ink everywhere," Futaba said. "That's all any of this stuff is good for."

The Inkling spent a few more minutes showing off its arsenal, with Futaba providing a detailed rundown of each one's capabilities and viability in competitive play. Sojiro still didn't really get any of it. He wondered briefly whether he should try taking up video games as a means to spend time with Futaba, but he banished that thought. He was far too busy running the cafe. And besides, he didn't necessarily want Futaba to spend even more time playing video games. He was proud of the progress she'd made from being a total shut-in, but Sojiro had to admit that he was still a bit worried about Futaba starting high school soon.

Soon enough, it was time for Inkling to leave. Sojiro didn't expect her to have anything he could accept as currency, but he decided to be polite and accept a small handful of strange coins from her. He put them behind the register, right by the crystalline "rupees" Link had left behind.

"That was fun," Futaba said. The day had come to an end, and it was about closing time.

"Mhm," Sojiro murmured in agreement.

"I really wish I could tell you all about what Ren is up to. You'd never believe it."

"I believe that much," Sojiro sighed. "Even when Snake came by, I had no idea that Ren was meeting people - or things- like this! Just how much crazier can this get?"

"Oh you'll probably see," Futaba said, a worrying glint in her eyes. "I can't wait to see who visits next!"


	4. Developing a Taste

"Good morning Sakura-san!"

The cheery voice of Haru Okumura lit up the dreariest of rooms, and Cafe Leblanc was no exception.

"Mornin', Haru," Sojiro replied, still working on the day's crossword.

"What can I get started on?" Haru asked, hanging her coat on the rack by the door.

"Well, we haven't had many customers just yet," Sojiro yawned. "Maybe start by cleaning out the fridge?"

"Okay!" Haru's chipper demeanor may have stood in complete contrast to Sojiro's, but he couldn't help but like her. Come to think of it, he'd probably like her even if she wasn't a friend of Ren's. The customers liked her too, which made both Sojiro and Haru happy. Haru may have still had her doubts about being able to run her own cafe, but Sojiro was only worried that she'd run him out of business. On the other hand, it might be nice to finally retire and be a regular somewhere else for a change.

Haru had proved just as quick a study as Ren had, and pretty soon she was going to overtake him simply because she would have worked there longer than he had. The fact that college classes would be starting soon hadn't deterred Haru from lending a hand around Leblanc. She was simply too eager to learn everything she could about the coffee industry. Sojiro wasn't sure he had too much to teach her, but he certainly wasn't about to turn down such willing help. An hour passed, with only a few new customers trickling in and out. Haru not only cleaned the fridge, but also gave the sink a good scrub, and was about to turn her attention to the cupboards when she stood.

"Oh! Before I forget, I have a new crop of beans I wanted your opinion on," Haru said. She retrieved a paper bag from her purse near the door and set it on the counter. Sojiro opened it up and poured a handful of beans onto the counter.

"This that new cultivar you were talking about?" He asked. Haru nodded.

"Yes, I've been working on breeding my own. Similar to the vegetables that Okumura Foods developed."

"Well let's hope they taste better than those," Sojiro said, remembering the undesirable taste of Haru's carrots and tomatoes. On the other hand, they had been invigorating in spite of their flavor. "Let's go ahead and get these roasted."

Haru excitedly set about preparing the beans for the roast. Sojiro examined one up close. It was small, and a bit irregularly shaped. That didn't necessarily mean anything though, he knew better than anyone that coffee beans came in all shapes and sizes. He was interrupted from his thoughts by the ringing of the bell.

"Excuse me, is this Cafe Leblanc?" A sweet voice called from the door.

"That's what the sign says," Sojiro chuckled as he turned around. He stopped. It was a little golden shih tzu...wearing a green cardigan and a skirt.

His first instinct was to declare "No dogs allowed," but even as the thought occurred to him, he knew it'd be hypocritical of him seeing as how he'd let Morgana live in the building for a year.

"Oh good, I was afraid I'd gotten lost! I've never been in a city this big!" She trotted happily to the bar and hopped up onto a chair.

"Oh, you must be one of Ren's new friends!" Haru greeted happily. Sojiro glanced at Haru. So she knew what was going on too. At this point it was safe to assume that all of the former Phantom Thieves did.

"I'm Isabelle! Glad to meet you!" It was just too cute. Haru giggled.

"The pleasure's ours, Isa-chan."

"So I take it Ren has told you about the coffee and the curry?" Sojiro said.

"Oh yes! I don't really like curry all that much, but I do like a good cup of coffee," Isabelle said.

"Say no more," Sojiro said. "Any idea what kind of roast you'd like?"

"I love Mocha beans if you have any," Isabelle said. Sojiro was surprised. The little lady had good taste.

"I'll have a fresh cup ready before you know it."

The little dog was happy to wait. She glanced at the interior with interest. She spent a whole minute looking at the Sayuri. Sojiro thought that she was probably the type who often went to a museum back wherever her home was.

"So tell us about yourself, Isa-chan," Haru said. "Where are you from?"

"A little town called Smashville," Isabelle answered. "I'm the mayor's assistant!"

"How wonderful!" Haru said. "The town must be lucky to have you."

"Oh, no, I'm sure they could get along just fine without me," Isabelle said modestly. "To be honest, I think I need that job more than it needs me."

"All set," Sojiro said, setting a cup down in front of Isabelle. She glanced at it and looked around the counter.

"Something wrong?" Sojiro asked.

"Oh no, nothing's wrong," Isabelle said politely. "I'm just looking for the milk and sugar."

"Oh, we don't really do that here," Sojiro said, a bit at a loss.

"Oh," Isabelle said, a little disappointed. "To tell you the truth Mr. Sakura, I don't really like black coffee. I have to have mine with lots of milk and three spoonfuls of sugar to get it down."

"You wouldn't be alone," Sojiro sighed. "Lots of people don't have the patience to develop a taste for good black coffee."

"I'm sorry," Isabelle said. Sojiro found himself a bit heartbroken by the sincerity of her apology. "You went to all that trouble to make me coffee, and I'm too picky to touch it."

"It's alright, Isa-chan," Haru said. "Boss just sticks to tradition. But to be honest, he really knows what he's doing. I bet if you tried his coffee, you could start broadening your horizons a bit."

Isabelle looked back at the cup. Steam rose from it invitingly.

"Alright!" She suddenly declared. "I'll do it!" And she took a tentative sip of the coffee.

"Well?" Sojiro asked. "What's the verdict, Isabelle?"

Isabelle's answer was to take another sip.

"I don't hate it!" She cheered. Sojiro smiled. That seemed to be high praise. Isabelle finished off the cup, and asked for a second one. "I think I need to keep tasting it," she reasoned. Sojiro happily obliged.

Haru broke out a tin of pastries that she had carried in her purse. Isabelle seemed to appreciate the bitterness tempering the sweetness of the snack.

"Wow, Mr. Sakura, I had no idea that something so bitter could taste so good!" She said. "I'll have to try Brewster's coffee black when I get home!"

"That your barista back home?" Sojiro asked.

"Yes, that's right. You remind me a bit of him," Isabelle said. "He doesn't talk much, but he's really nice when you get to know him."

"Heh, sounds like you've got me pegged alright," Sojiro laughed.

Isabelle spent the next hour telling Sojiro and Haru about her hometown. Catching bugs and fish, visiting the museum, going to an island off the coast, it all sounded very peaceful. Sojiro made a mental note to schedule a vacation for himself and Futaba.

Like the past guests, Isabelle only had her own currency on her. Sojiro accepted the "bells," and added them to his growing collection of money that he couldn't use.

"You know, I really like the atmosphere in here," Isabelle said. "Have you ever had artists perform here?"

"You mean like have a music night?" Sojiro asked. "No, but you know, now that you mention it, I wouldn't be opposed."

"Oh I'd love to see that! In fact, I know someone who'd be perfect for it!"

"Is he a dog too?" Sojiro chuckled.

"How did you know?!"


	5. A True Gourmand

Two weeks had passed since Snake had payed a visit to Cafe Leblanc. In that time, hardly a day had gone by when someone new hadn't stopped in on Ren's recommendation. Sojiro was still having some serious trouble with how weird some of these were. He'd thought he'd seen it all with the giant gorilla, but nope, just a day later, that turtle-dragon-thing had taken the cake.

But this was something else.

He looked around curiously, like a small child. Small, round and oh so very pink. Sojiro's phone buzzed. It showed a text from Ren:

_ **I have it on good authority that you may be in for a visit from Kirby today. I'm so sorry. He eats A LOT. Just keep track of whatever he eats, and I'll pay you back, I promise. Other than that, he's a really nice guy.** _

Sojiro thought about shooting off a reply asking why this one out of all the other weird visitors had prompted a text. But Kirby was now wandering around the cafe, not a care in the world.

"Hey, don't go touching anything!" Sojiro called out. Kirby obediently returned to the counter. "Ren, er, Joker says you eat a lot. So you must be hungry."

"Poyo!" Kirby cheered. He seemed to understand Sojiro well enough, especially where food was concerned.

"Well sit tight, little guy, I'll get some curry going."

"Poyo!" Kirby seemed even more excited by the mention of curry.

Sojiro went about making the curry, only to stop a moment later, as he felt that he was being watched a bit too closely. Sure enough, Kirby was right behind him, peering over his shoulder.

"I don't like backseat drivers," Sojiro said. "Go sit down."

The noise Kirby made wasn't quite a moan, but Sojiro didn't quite know how to describe it. Curious, perhaps?

"I suppose you want me to teach you how to make curry too?" Sojiro said, a bit more grumpily than he meant to. Kirby brightened up.

A large toque blanche appeared on Kirby's head, and he was suddenly grasping a spatula and frying pan. He clanged them together and suddenly was stirring the large curry pot with a ladle, and shaking pepper into it.

"Hey! Watch it! You're going to ruin the recipe!" Sojiro cried. But it was too late. The pot suddenly spat out a number of plates, all serving a portion of curry. It definitely wasn't Sojiro's curry. There was something ominous about it. Heat rose off it like hot pavement. And there was something about the smell. It didn't smell inedible, nevertheless it smelled evil.

"That's probably extremely hot," Sojiro said, wafting the smell away from him. "Are you sure that's what you want to eat?"

Kirby's answer was to open his mouth and inhale all but one of the plates. Sojiro cried out in panic as suddenly flames began spewing from Kirby's mouth.

"What the hell?! Careful! You're going to burn the place down! Stay still and I'll get some water!"

The water quenched the flames, but Kirby looked a bit disappointed.

"What the hell was that?! You could have ruined my cafe!" Sojiro snapped. He looked suspiciously at the remaining portion of curry. "How did you even make that? No, never mind, I don't want you to do it again, and you seem like the kind of guy who'd take that question as a suggestion to do it again. So don't."

The flames had thankfully not touched anything. Kirby looked a little ashamed of himself. He looked at the curry, then at Sojiro.

Sojiro instantly understood.

"Oh no," he said. "Not gonna happen, Kirby. There is no way in hell I'm eating that."

He just looked too damn sad.

"I'm going to regret this," Sojiro sighed. "Nice knowing you, Kirby." He took a tentative bite. He nearly gagged from the heat, but flames weren't spewing out of his mouth. This was some seriously Superspicy Curry.

He took another bite, and tried to savor the subtleties of the flavor, and was pleasantly surprised.

"This ain't half bad, Kirby," Sojiro said, impressed. "Where'd you get a curry recipe like this?"

"Poyo!" Was Kirby's answer.

"Poyo, right," Sojiro said. "Oh well, I doubt my regulars'd like this. They're too used to my recipe. That do it for you, or do you want more food?"

In retrospect, Sojiro wasn't sure why he'd even posed it as a question. Kirby's appetite proved to be bottomless. Within fifteen minutes, the fridge was completely empty.

Sojiro looked over at the booth where Kirby was now snoozing. He got his phone and saw a new text from Ren.

_ **RA: So Boss, what's the damage?** _

_ **SS: Congratulations, you owe me a fridge full of food. Guess you'll have to come back and work it off.** _

_ **RA: I did try to warn you.** _

_ **SS: You didn't warn me about that curry he makes.** _

_ **RA: He made curry? Oh God, it was Superspicy Curry, wasn't it?** _

_ **SS: Damn near burned Leblanc down!** _

_ **RA: Did you try it?** _

_ **SS: Don't dodge the issue!** _

_ **RA: Well did you?** _

_ **SS: Yeah.** _

_ **RA: And?** _

_ **SS: Wasn't bad. No way the regulars would go for it though.** _

_ **RA: Oh hell no.** _

_ **SS: I suppose you still can't tell me what's going on.** _

_ **RA: Not yet, sorry. Futaba told me you were worried.** _

_ **SS: You might have called earlier.** _

_ **RA: Sorry, it's time consuming.** _

_ **SS: Must be if you're meeting weirdos like these.** _

_ **RA: Come on, Snake is pretty normal. All things considered.** _

_ **SS: Yeah, but what about the big guy?** _

_ **RA: Which big guy? Donkey Kong?** _

_ **SS: He was bad enough, but I'm talking about the one with the horns.** _

_ **RA: Ohhhhh you mean Bowser. Yeah, he's the worst.** _

_ **SS: Then why'd you tell him to come here?!** _

_ **RA: I didn't! He must have overheard one of your new fans talking about it.** _

Fans huh? Sojiro looked back over at the sleeping Kirby. The expression of pure bliss couldn't help but melt his crusty heart a bit.

"Y'know, maybe having fans isn't so bad," Sojiro said. "Sleep tight, Kirby."


	6. Dark as Shadows

The rain tapped steadily agains the windows of the cafe, a persistent white noise that soothed those inside. It was getting late, and the last regulars had shuffled off, back to their homes. Only Makoto Niijima remained, and Boss was in no particular hurry to get her to leave. The former Shujin Academy Student Council President sipped another cup of coffee as she studied an intimidating looking law text.

Sojiro had told her a little bit about how he'd gotten into government, but most of it wasn't applicable to somebody who wanted to be a police commissioner, so Makoto was more or less on her own when studying.

"I'm not keeping you, am I, Boss?" Makoto asked, checking her wristwatch, a smart little timepiece that matched the one she had gotten Ren for Christmas. That had been the very day the Phantom Thieves had taken out that monstrosity that called itself a god, and not 24 hours later, Ren had turned himself in to police custody. The watch Makoto now wore had been his attempt to make up for worrying her. Makoto was not one to accept bribes, but even she, awkward and unromantic as she was wont to be, saw the sweetness of the gesture and had worn it diligently ever since.

"Not at all," Sojiro said. "I don't mind."

Makoto nodded and returned to her book. She looked at her watch again. It really was getting late; she had never known Sojiro to keep Leblanc open for so long. The detective genes Makoto proudly bore did their thing and got her thinking. There had to be a reason, and it most likely had something to do with her if she was the only other occupant.

"So, Makoto," Sojiro began. Makoto felt a thrill of validation. Her theory was correct, she just knew it.

"Hm?" She said, trying not to betray excitement at being right.

"Any word from Ren lately?" He tried to sound casual, but Makoto knew exactly what he was doing. She put the book down and looked him in the eyes.

"I can't tell you, Boss. I'm sorry," she said firmly, but with as much kindness as she could muster. "Ren told me that he texted you the other day."

"Yeah, but you can't blame a guy for trying," Sojiro said. Makoto took a closer look at him. He looked tired. He _sounded_ tired. A pang of guilt hit Makoto in the heart. How could Sojiro not worry about what his son (for lack of a better word) was getting up to? Especially when Leblanc had seen such unusual visitors.

"You should get some rest," Makoto said. "Take a day off, try to relax."

"You telling me I shouldn't worry?"

"I know that you can't help it," Makoto said. "Not with how much he means to you. Believe me, I know that better than anyone. But he's going to be fine. You may not be able to stop yourself from worrying, but at the very least you should try not to stress yourself out over it. It's not healthy."

Sojiro took out a cigarette and lit up. He took a long drag and sighed.

"Maybe you're right," he said. "Hell, kid's been through so much already, I don't know why I'm so worked up. I mean, you and the others say he's killed a _god_! What could he go up against now that's worse than that?"

"Oh, I don't know, I've met some angels who are worse than any god."

Sojiro jumped, and Makoto let out a little yelp. They hadn't heard the door open, yet standing in the doorway was a visitor. She was clad from head to foot in a strange outfit that was the exact shade of black as her short hair. A pair of glasses perched impishly on her nose, the eyes behind them twinkling mischievously.

"You must be one of Ren's friends," Sojiro said, tiredly extinguishing his cigarette. Makoto could tell that he was not in the mood for this right now.

"Oh, I see you've met my son," the woman said, sauntering up to the bar. Her long legs were on full display as her hips swung with each step.

"Wait, you're his mother?!" Sojiro cried. There was a certain resemblance. The mystery woman let out a tinkling laugh.

"Just a joke, darling," she said. "You really must lighten up." Her gaze traveled to Makoto. "And you must be the girl he talks about."

Makoto could only blush. The woman laughed again.

"You have good taste in men, dear," she said, sidling up to the counter. "My, what a quaint little cafe. It's no Gates of Hell, but it has a certain _je ne sais quois._"

"I'll take that as a compliment, I guess," Sojiro said, cocking an eyebrow. "I'm Sojiro, and you seem to know plenty about Makoto, but who are you?"

"Yes, pardon my rudeness in not introducing myself. My manners do tend towards the nonexistent," the woman said. "You may call me Bayonetta."

Bayonetta was weird. Not that most of Ren's new friends weren't, but Sojiro had grown used to weird being pink aliens or giant gorillas. This was the kind of weird that wasn't too far removed from what you might see in Shinjuku. Everything about Bayonetta was just _flashy_. Her outfit, the way she carried herself, they all betrayed an overwhelming sense of confidence.

"So, Jiro," Bayonetta said, a laugh at her pun barely restrained, "Perhaps you could give me a little information." She pulled out, of all things, a lollipop and began sucking on it.

"I don't know what you could possibly expect to learn from me," Sojiro said, his eyebrows raised. "If anything, I should be asking _you_ the questions!"

"What, don't you enjoy noir films? I thought we'd have some fun with the dame-and-dick routine."

Sojiro was not entirely sure whether Bayonetta meant _anything_ she said to be construed as innuendo, because no matter how innocent it was, it sounded wrong.

"In case you haven't noticed, this ain't a bar," Sojiro said.

"No, I'm quite aware," Bayonetta said, taking the lollipop out and pointing it at him. "But you do have the air of a man of mystery. I like that. Reminds me of a certain barkeep I know. And he's quite good with providing me with two things: weapons and news."

"Well, I can't help you much on the first one," Sojiro said. "Though if you're looking for where Ren got his stuff, you want to check the airsoft shop in Shibuya."

"Oh no, I'm quite happy with what I've got now," Bayonetta said, pulling out two large blue pistols. Sojiro visibly recoiled at the sight of weapons in his cafe, causing Bayonetta to stash them. "No, what I'd like to know if you can tell me how to get to a place called the Velvet Room."

Just as Sojiro was going to say "The what now?", Makoto chimed in.

"I don't think that's possible."

"Oh? And why would that be?"

"Because the Metaverse is gone," Makoto answered. "And as far as I know, the Velvet Room was part of that."

"Hold on, what is the Velvet Room?" Sojiro asked.

"It's a place Ren would go to sometimes in his dreams," Makoto explained. "Or when we entered the Metaverse. It's where Morgana was born."

"And it's where he managed his Personas," Bayonetta said. "Leaving out that part, are we love?"

"In her defense, I'm already having trouble following this," Sojiro said. Bayonetta laughed at that.

"Well, as you can imagine, I'm quite intrigued by the power of Persona. In my line of work, something like that could come in quite handy."

"What do you plan to do, march in and demand that Igor give you one?" Makoto smirked. "I don't think you get how this works."

"I don't need to get how it works, darling, I've taken down things bigger and badder than your little God of Control," Bayonetta said, a little smugness creeping into her tone.

The discussion was interrupted by the door slamming open.

"There you are!" It was another woman, and although in some ways her outfit was more bizarre than Bayonetta's, at least it was because it made sense to Sojiro, and that in itself made her more welcoming. Blue and skintight, it looked like something out of a science fiction movie. The tough-as-nails blonde wearing the outfit did not look happy to see Bayonetta.

"Oh, Sammy! Smashing! You're just in time to join us for a cup of joe," Bayonetta said.

"How many times do I have to tell you to stop calling me that?" The new woman grumbled. "And you know you're not supposed to interfere with another world like this!"

"Oh come now, Sammy, aren't you the least bit curious what your Persona would be?" Bayonetta smirked. "I'm hoping for something with lots of guns. Or limbs. Or both!"

"You said we were just coming here to see the cafe," the woman said, exasperatedly. "You should know better than to try to give a bounty hunter the slip."

"What the hell is going on here?" Sojiro interjected.

"Another one of Ren's friends," Makoto said. "This is Samus Aran."

"Sorry to barge in like this," Samus said. "But we've found that Bayonetta needs to be kept on a tight leash."

"Oh, you're no fun," Bayonetta pouted, although Sojiro could see that her eyes still glinted with mischievous glee, especially as she bit into the lollipop, finishing it off. "Well then now that everyone's here, perhaps we could enjoy that coffee?"

Sojiro grudgingly obliged. Soon, Bayonetta and Samus were sipping coffee, while Makoto tried to explain her (admittedly limited) understanding of how the Velvet Room worked. From what Sojiro could follow, it was a place run by a man with a long nose named Igor, and it could only be entered by people who had forged a contract with Igor. How Ren had forged such a contract in the first place, Sojiro had no idea. He added it to the growing list of questions he had for the kid.

"Okay," he said, "I think I've had all I can handle of things that don't make sense about this world. Samus, why don't you confuse me with tales from another world?"

As it turned out, Samus's stories weren't _too_ far-fetched; in fact, they sounded like a gripping science fiction story. She told him about Planet Zebes, Ridley and the Space Pirates, and especially about Metroids.

"Wait, so they latch onto you and drain your life?" Sojiro said, horrified. "How?"

"Nobody knows," Samus said in a low voice. "I'm probably the only thing that's ever escaped a Metroid's clutches. It's painful, I can tell you that much. And according to my suit's vital readings, it doesn't drain blood or any other vital materials. We can't figure out how it drains its energy."

"That's spooky."

"You never do get used to it," Samus said. "Although, deep down, I don't think they're all bad."

"What makes you say that?" Makoto asked.

"Because one saved my life once," Samus said. "A baby who I had saved when I was tasked with exterminating all Metroids. The Space Pirates stole it and used it to restart their breeding programs. I re-infiltrated Zebes and found myself face to face with the baby."

"And it remembered you?" Makoto said, shocked.

"It nearly didn't," Samus said. "It had grown to a size I'd never seen before in a Metroid. At first it started draining me, but then it seemed to remember me and left. Minutes later when I was battling for my life against Mother Brain, it returned and saved me."

"I never knew that," Bayonetta said. Her cockiness had become a bit subdued. "You always seemed like such a loner."

"You're one to talk," Samus said, her turn to smirk now.

"I'll have you know, I have several deep emotional connections," Bayonetta said.

"Oh yeah? Name one," Samus challenged.

"Well since we all seem fond of little ones, did I ever tell you about the time I had to look after my younger self?" Bayonetta said, clearly gearing up for what she believed would be the best story anyone told that night.

"Can't say that you have," Samus said.

"Oh it was lovely. Well, not at first. Never did care much for crying brats. And she wouldn't stop calling me Mummy. Then of course I found out that she was me from the past."

"So the only tender feelings you ever felt were for yourself?" Samus laughed.

"Oh that's not true," Bayonetta said. "Getting to know myself in such an unusual way was certainly a valuable experience, but I have a good number of people I care for. There's Luka, Rodin, Jeanne...and I suppose Enzo makes the very bottom of the list."

"That's five if we're being generous," Samus said. "Come on, aren't you forgetting one particular person?"

Sojiro and Makoto looked expectantly at Bayonetta. Finally, the haughty exterior cracked somewhat.

"Fine, I have grown to care quite deeply for Ren," Bayonetta said. "I did want to take a stab at finding the Velvet Room, but really, I wanted to meet some of the people who care about him most. I thought that might help me understand him better."

"That's a refreshing bit of honesty," Makoto said. "We're glad you stopped by. And any time you want to talk, about Ren or anything else, just come back."

"Just, ah, after the regulars are all gone," Sojiro said. "I've got a cafe to run after all."

Bayonetta and Samus shared a laugh at the thought of them arriving in full view of half of Yongen-Jaya.

"Thank you for the coffee, and your kindness," Bayonetta said. "I'm told it's something of a tradition to give you foreign currency here."

"It's a tradition now, is it?" Sojiro chuckled. "Well I can't say that I'm not interested in what an angel-hunting witch uses for money."

"You're the first human I've ever given a halo to," Bayonetta said, producing a golden ring-like object. "You should be flattered."

"I am," Sojiro said. "Thanks. And if it's not too much trouble, can I ask you for a favor?"

"Name it, darling."

"Watch after him. Like he really is your son. Because he's mine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone who's stopped by so far! I probably should have mentioned, the story is not finished on fanfiction.net yet, but I do have the rest planned out. So I'm sorry to say that most people who have commented on wanting to see a specific character are probably going to be a bit disappointed. Hopefully my choices will make sense though.


	7. Coffee of Champions

Fire shot through Ryuji Sakamoto's chest, each breath a laborious effort. Ignoring the pain, Ryuji willed his legs to keep moving, his heart pounding in tandem with his calves. He darted around a straggling pedestrian, careful not to get in someone else's way. Running through the streets may have been crowded, but it beat treadmill running by a long shot. And since he'd declined to rejoin the track team, Shujin Academy wasn't exactly an ideal place to practice running.

The day was getting hotter, and the purple hoodie was starting to get uncomfortable. Sweat drenched the gym uniform underneath it. Ryuji's panting intensified, but he pressed forward, his destination nearly at hand.

One hundred yards.

Fifty yards.

Thirty.

Twenty.

Ten.

"And time!" Sojiro called as Ryuji collapsed into a victorious heap on the threshold of Leblanc. He was answered by gasps and wheezes from the ground.

"How'd I do?" Ryuji finally choked out.

"23:45, not bad Ryuji!"

"I can do better," Ryuji said, picking himself up.

"Whoa there, kid, you're a track runner. Cross country's something else entirely," Sojiro cautioned. "23:45 is a perfectly respectable time for a 5k. Cut yourself some slack."

"You're right," Ryuji sighed. "I just...gotta prove to myself that I'm better than I was."

"Before all that stuff with Kamoshida, you mean?"

"Yeah," Ryuji had gotten quiet, and that was never a good sign. "Don't tell Ren this, but...now that he's gone, I'm kinda struggling with what to do with myself."

"You and me both, kid," Sojiro said. "Come on, let's get some nutrients in you."

The prospect of curry cheered Ryuji up a little bit. He wasn't quite as animated as he normally was as he ate and chatted with Sojiro, but at least he wasn't totally silent.

The doorbell jingled, signaling a new customer.

"G'morning," Sojiro said. "What'll it be?"

"Just a black coffee please," the young man said. Sojiro had never seen him before. He'd grown used to new faces being new acquaintances of Ren's, but this guy looked completely normal. Granted, he was wearing a bright pink track suit, but in all fairness, Ryuji's purple one was almost as eye-catching.

"You a runner?" Sojiro asked. "This guy here's one of the best I know," he said, jerking his thumb at Ryuji.

"Oh, not exactly," the new customer said. "But running is one part of my training."

"Ooh, what kind of training?" Ryuji asked.

"I'm a boxer," the newcomer said. "My coach pushes me pretty hard."

"Huh, wouldn't have expected that," Ryuji said. "You're a bit on the small side."

He'd hit a nerve.

"I've taken out guys three weight classes above you," he shot back.

"Hey, I'm no slouch either! You wanna go right now?!"

"Calm down, Ryuji," Sojiro said. "I can't have you getting into fights with my clientele."

"Alright, fine, I'm sorry," Ryuji mumbled.

"So what brings you in?" Sojiro said. "Hear about us in that magazine?"

"No, a friend recommended it."

"His name's not Ren, is it?" Sojiro chuckled.

"Actually, yeah."

"You know, it's kind of refreshing to have one of his friends be so..."

"Down-to-earth?"

"Yeah."

"Trust me, I know."

"Wait," Ryuji piped up. "So you're one of his friends from...you know what?! For real?!"

"Oh, so you know about it," the stranger said. "I should have known. And I should have introduced myself! I'm Little Mac. Or just Mac if you want."

"Oh! That's where I know you from!" Ryuji said. "You're the dude from _Punch Ouch!_"

"Er, what's _Punch Ouch?_" Sojiro asked.

"It's a really cool retro video game! Ren used to play it a bunch when he lived here," Ryuji explained.

"I think you're confusing me with someone else," Mac said.

"You sure?" Ryuji asked. "You're the underdog, fighting his way to the top of the rankings!"

"Well you got that right at least," Mac said, shrugging. "I wasn't kidding about taking down guys way above my weight class. I mean guys like King Hippo and Bald Bull."

"Yeah, no idea who those are," Ryuji conceded. "But I bet it's pretty similar!"

"Couldn't tell you, I've never played my game, I just live in it," Mac pointed out.

"Aw man, now I wish Ren had kept his old console around here," Ryuji said. "That'd be effin' awesome!"

"Wait, how old are you, Mac?" Sojiro asked. "You seem a bit young to be a boxer."

"Seventeen, standing in at 4'11'' and weighing in at 107 lbs." Mac said, with more pride than Sojiro had expected, given Mac's reaction to Ryuji pointing out his height.

"How is this allowed?" was all that Sojiro could bring himself to say.

"It wasn't easy," Mac said. "For the longest time, no trainer wanted to take me on."

"That's not really what I was talking about, but whatever," Sojiro said. Mac and Ryuji seemed not have heard him, as they were continuing the conversation.

"I know what that's like," Ryuji said. "For everyone to write you off without a second look. Pisses me off!"

"Yeah!" Mac agreed. "I wasn't gonna let that be the end of me! No way no how was I giving up! I got mad. And finally, somebody liked that about me. Taught me everything he knew, and stood in my corner."

"Had plenty of guys like that," Ryuji said. "Ren was one of them."

"Figures," Mac said, grinning. "Soon enough, I was ready to take on the world."

"Woah," Ryuji said, the story resonating with him. "So you had a bunch of failures at first, right?"

"No...not really," Mac said. "Glass Joe went down in less than a minute."

"That's kinda anticlimactic," Ryuji said, disappointed.

"Oh don't get me wrong, he was a wimp, but I had plenty of tougher fights after that," Mac said. Ryuji lit up as Mac regaled him with stories of taking down national stereotypes with weird names like Von Kaiser, Don Flamenco and Bear Hugger.

"Wow, I can't believe they let you fight guys three times your size!" Ryuji said in awe.

"You think that's crazy, wait until you hear about the time I fought a gorilla!" Mac bragged.

"You wouldn't happen to be talking about Donkey Kong, would you?" Sojiro asked, looking over from the kitchenette.

"Oh you know him?" Mac asked.

Sojiro looked like he needed to sit down.

"So anyway, I had defended my title against everyone I'd already fought, some of whom were using _very_ illegal strategies to try to get the drop on me-"

"Okay I hate to break up a good story, but coffee's ready," Sojiro chuckled as he set down two freshly brewed cups.

"Oh yeah! That's the real reason I came by!" Mac said, eagerly picking up the cup and taking a sip.

"Seems Ren has told everyone and their brother about this place," Sojiro said proudly as he dried some dishes.

"You're not wrong," Mac said, savoring the acidity and subtle flavors of the blend Sojiro had picked for him. "Ren told me that this coffee came in handy during his escapades. Said it helped the Phantom Thieves keep going."

"True that!" Ryuji said. "It saved our bacon more than once!"

"My coffee?" Sojiro asked. "I never heard anything about that."

"Oh yeah," Ryuji said. "It gave us a kick in the ass when we needed it. Morgana called it "SP." It was...well, kind of like fuel for our Personas."

"Right," Mac said "And when I heard that, I wondered whether it might help me recover Heart Points."

"And Heart Points are...?" Sojiro asked apprehensively.

"Well, they're kind of just stamina," Mac said. "That's really all there is to it. If one of my opponents blocks one of my punches, I lose some stamina. And if I take a punch, I lose stamina _and_ health. And if I lose all my Heart Points, I can't fight. And if I can't fight, I'm stuck dodging until I get my energy back."

"That's no way to win a boxing match," Sojiro agreed. "So what's the verdict? Do you think it'll do the job?"

Mac's answer was to take another sip.

"Well if it doesn't, it was still worth the trip for coffee this good," Mac said. Sojiro liked that answer.

"So tell me about you, Ryuji," Mac said. "You're a runner? You run for your high school team?"

"That's not a happy topic," Ryuji said. "I did. Until I didn't. And then things got really bad for a while."

"Oh, I think I see where this is going," Mac said. "That's what you meant when you were talking about being written off."

"Basically. And it was all some stupid jerk named Kamoshida's fault. But then Ren showed up, and we stole that bastard's heart!"

"Right, Ren gave me the CliffNotes version," Mac said.

"I kinda don't feel like going into much more detail than that," Ryuji said sheepishly. "I'm not great at talking about stuff like that."

"It's cool," Mac said. "You don't have to explain your baggage to me. But you know something, Ryuji? You've got a fighter's spirit. I can see it in you. You'll never give up or compromise. It's a good trait to have for someone who wants to push themselves."

"Well thanks man!" Ryuji said. "Means a lot coming from the star of _Punch Ouch!_"

Mac laughed, and Sojiro remained a bit confused. They were interrupted by the sound of a bike's bell passing by.

"Whoa, that's my cue to get going!" Mac said. He laced up his shoes, stretched, and took off out the door. Ryuji stared after him for a moment, then after a second's deliberation, ran after him.

"Hey wait up!" Ryuji called. He picked up speed, catching up with Mac, who was running after the bike, which was being pedaled by an older black man in a red sweatsuit.

"What are you doing here?" Mac asked.

"I gotta keep training!" Ryuji said. "I gotta keep getting better than I was, and I think I've got enough in me for one more run today!"

Mac grinned and flashed a thumbs-up.

"Alright Mac, baby, no quittin' now!" The man on the bike called.

"You got it, Doc!" Mac shouted back. The bike sped up and Mac followed suit.

"That goes for you too, Ryuji! C'mon baby!" Doc Louis said, taking a bite out of a chocolate bar. Ryuji whooped triumphantly and raced after, treasuring everything from the feeling of the wind in his hair, the smells of the neighborhood, and even the pain in his exhausted body.

"No pain, no gain!" Ryuji said to himself. For the first time in forever, Ryuji was glad that he was running.

Back in Leblanc, Sojiro sighed in disappointment.

"The one time I think somebody might have local currency and they dine and dash," he muttered.


	8. Pick-Me-Up

After weeks of almost non-stop excitement, Sojiro found himself almost glad that this Sunday was proving to be slow. He'd had a few regulars, including that annoying older couple who stayed hours on end after ordering only a single cup of coffee apiece. He looked out the window and told himself to enjoy the break. He stretched and reached into his apron for his smokes. If Snake ever dropped in again, he'd have to ask the mercenary about those cigarettes he had on him.

The early afternoon was still chilly, and the air was clear. Sojiro couldn't remember the last time he'd enjoyed it being this brisk. The contrast between the air and the smoke filling his lungs was surprisingly soothing. He blew out the smoke, watching it dissipate as it rose. He took his time, observing the empty street.

"Maybe I ought to close up early," he thought. "Do something fun with Futaba."

Spending time with Futaba usually meant sushi, or otherwise food in general. Sojiro was determined, however, to make an effort to do this parenting thing right. And that meant actually spending time with her and getting to know her better. Perhaps they'd go to the park, or the planetarium, or a movie. Anything was on the table, and the possibilities made Sojiro uncharacteristically excited.

He had about made up his mind to go ahead and close up shop when he felt a shift in the air. A strong wind had picked up. But there was something off about it. It wasn't free like the wind, it was somehow more direct. A narrow gust that shot down the street before Sojiro had even known it was upon him. It was loud, too. Sojiro had never heard wind like that.

He had barely had any time to contemplate this strange phenomenon when it happened again. This time, it was in the opposite direction. Sojiro wasted no time in putting out his cigarette and getting back inside Leblanc. He took out his cell phone and prepared to call Futaba when the wind picked up again and blew the door open. Sojiro threw his arms over his face to protect himself from any oncoming debris, but none came.

"Finally found this place!" A cocky, slightly nasal voice said triumphantly. Sojiro lowered his arms, and instantly wished he hadn't, because once again, he had no idea what he was looking at.

"Okay," he sighed. "What exactly are you?"

"Uh...meow?" The creature offered, shrugging.

"Oh come on, I know you have to be one of Ren's friends, so let's just get the introductions out of the way."

"Boy, and people say _I'm_ impatient," the blue creature said, tapping a red-sneakered foot. He was certainly some kind of animal, but Sojiro had never seen an animal like this, and he apparently lived in a world where cats came from the collective unconsciousness, or something like that.

"Fine, sorry, I'm Sojiro Sakura, or Boss as Ren might have told you. And you are?"

"I'm Sonic. Sonic the Hedgehog!"

"A hedgehog? You don't look like any hedgehog I've ever seen," Sojiro mused.

"Well have you ever seen a hedgehog that can break the sound barrier?" Sonic asked, crossing his arms.

"Fair point, but I've seen a lot of crazy crap the last couple of weeks."

"Well, I was just checking the city out, and thought I'd stop in for a pick-me-up!" Sonic said. "Joker's told everyone that you make the best coffee."

"That's true, but hang on a second," Sojiro said, taking off his glasses and rubbing his temples. "If you can break the sound barrier, then that wind was you?"

"Oh yeah, that happens all the time," Sonic said. "Once I really get going, there's nothing faster!" Sojiro was glad that it had been Little Mac to stop by when Ryuji was around and not Sonic. Knowing that kid, he'd have gone all out trying to keep pace with Sonic, no matter how absurd that would be.

"Okay, and you think that having coffee is a...good idea?"

"Don't sweat it! It'll be fine."

"Have you ever had coffee before?"

"Can't say that I have."

"That's not terribly reassuring."

"Don't stress about it. What's the worst that could happen?"

Sojiro was in that instant haunted by memories of curry-induced flames threatening for a moment to engulf Leblanc.

"You sure you wouldn't rather have the curry?" Sojiro offered.

"Hey, that's not a bad idea either! I'll have both!" Sonic flashed a toothy grin and gave Sojiro a thumbs up.

Sojiro sighed. He didn't have the mental fortitude to even try to convince Sonic to drop the coffee idea any further.

"I swear to God, you'd better not hold a mega-marathon inside here once you finish," Sojiro muttered.

Sonic's cocky smirk didn't leave his face, nor did the mischievous glint leave his green eyes. He seemed ready to launch any number of sarcastic comments, though Sojiro appreciated his current restraint. Sonic oozed so much attitude it was almost as if he had been created specifically to be an edgy marketing tool. The blue quills did seem very '90s.

The silence passed awkwardly. Sonic stood and sat down several times in the span of a minute. He tapped his foot, yawned, and was even rude enough to lie down on the floor and rub the underside of his nose with his forefinger. Sojiro was liking the hedgehog less and less, and he hadn't even begun brewing.

"This is taking forever!" He whined, tapping on his knee, shooting a dirty look at Sojiro. Sojiro shook his head.

"Looks like your reputation for impatience is well-deserved," he said.

"Hey, when you move as fast as I do, everything seems too slow," Sonic said defensively.

"Slow isn't always bad," Sojiro said sagely.

"In my experience, slow has been almost exclusively bad," Sonic countered.

Sojiro paused. He might not have been terribly fond of Sonic, but he had come all this way just like the other visitors. At the very least, he figured that he should make an effort to be hospitable and try to get to know the little brat.

"So tell me about your experience," he said. "Most of Ren's friends have some interesting stories."

Sonic didn't answer.

"It'll help pass the time," Sojiro offered. "Good coffee is worth the wait."

Sonic heaved an exasperated sigh.

"Come on," Sojiro prodded, as he finished setting up the siphon. "Why is slow such a bad thing?"

"Because if I'm fast, I'm free," Sonic answered. "And if I don't have my freedom, I don't have anything."

"I guess that's true," Sojiro said, thinking hard for a moment. "You know, I guess you and Ren have quite a bit in common?"

"I'm no thief, pal," Sonic said, crossing his arms. "No matter what that Eggman tells you."

"I don't know who that is," Sojiro pointed out.

"Does it matter? He's just another bald, fat jerk who wants world domination."

"Well that sounds pretty much like Ren's nemesis. Er...minus the fat part," Sojiro said.

"Oh? Does your guy also turn animals into robots and ruin ecosystems?" Sonic said. Sojiro still didn't like the amount of sass in his tone.

"No, not as far as I know," Sojiro said, trying to humor him. He turned on the power to the burner. Sonic looked at it apprehensively.

"What is that thing?" the hedgehog asked. "I thought coffee came out of a big pot."

"It can," Sojiro said. "But there are a lot of ways to brew coffee. This one is just one of my favorites."

"I don't trust it," Sonic said. "It looks like things that I've seen in Eggman's chemical plants and factories."

"I'll explain it to you," Sojiro said patiently. "It's actually pretty cool to watch. You might be glad you took the time to wait."

"Whatever," Sonic said. "How's it work?"

"Well see this flame? Some siphons use a halogen bulb, but I prefer using this. It's going to heat the water in this reservoir up. Just before it comes to a boil, the change in pressure is going to force the water up this tube and into the top, where I've placed the coffee grounds. Let's just wait and watch."

Sonic tapped his finger impatiently against the counter, but stayed quiet as Sojiro intently watched the water. Eventually, the still liquid began dancing ever so slightly and the water slowly made its way to the ground coffee.

"Okay, so now that we've got our grounds wet, I'm going to stir them," Sojiro said as he did so. "And then I'm going to kill the heat, and all that water is going to rush back down into the bottom reservoir through the filter, leaving the grounds behind and leaving us with the perfect cup of coffee."

"That is pretty neat!" Sonic conceded, watching Sojiro stir with interest. "I never knew coffee was so scientific!"

"Oh you ain't seen nothing yet," Sojiro said. "I could go on for days about the science behind coffee."

"Let's not get carried away," Sonic said. "I can only handle so much."

"Alright, alright, give me a break," Sojiro said. "Now pay attention, here comes the best part."

Sure enough, the lack of heat meant that the pressure had yet again changed, and the water was sucked back into the lower reservoir like a vacuum, only now it was a rich dark caramel color.

"And there we go, it's ready," Sojiro said with barely restrained pride.

"Finally!" Sonic said, taking the cup and preparing to take that first sip.

"Whoa whoa whoa, stop right there," Sojiro said. Sonic glared in response.

"What now?" he whined.

"If you just toss it back, you're going to put all that work to waste." Sojiro said. "Coffee doesn't just take time to brew, it takes time to enjoy."

"I'm starting to think that this isn't my drink," Sonic grumbled.

"If you want something fast, there are a million places that'll give you lousy coffee in an instant," Sojiro said sternly. "But since you're here, you're going to take my advice. Now. There are four steps to sipping coffee. Want to take a stab at the first one?"

Sonic rolled his eyes in response.

"I dunno, lifting the cup?"

"Wrong. Smell."

"I thought we were tasting it," Sonic said.

"Well did you know that taste is mostly smell?" Sojiro asked. "You're going to take a deep breath and inhale the aroma. Go ahead, give it a try."

To his credit, Sonic did it as slowly as he could muster - still too fast in Sojiro's opinion, but this was obviously trying enough as it was for the hedgehog.

"It smells good," Sonic said. "I don't know what else you want me to say."

"Nothing really," Sojiro said. "It's just important to take that step. Smell it again if you want."

Sonic didn't seem to think this was just a suggestion. He took another smell, going as slow as he possibly could.

"Alright, good. Now you're going to take a small slurp. And it's important that it is a slurp. There are a couple reasons why, but I get the feeling you wouldn't be interested."

Sonic nodded in response. Sojiro continued.

"But you're not going to swallow this just yet. Once it's in your mouth, I want you to swish it in your mouth."

Sonic gave Sojiro a sideways look.

"Trust me."

"Alright, bottoms up," the hedgehog said, a little warily. He slurped loudly and swished the coffee around in his mouth.

"Okay. You can swallow now if you want, or you can spit it into the cup," Sojiro instructed. Sonic chose to swallow.

"Hoo wow, that was bitter!" Sonic said.

"You're jumping ahead a bit," Sojiro said. "The next step is to locate the coffee."

Before Sonic could make a wiseass comment, Sojiro explained.

"Different coffees have different flavors and acidities, and they all impact the tongue in different ways. Some coffees you're going to experience more of a sensation on the tip and sides of the tongue, some more towards the back. So what did you observe?"

"Man, I don't know!" Sonic said. "It was so bitter I wasn't thinking about that!"

"Well then take another sip," Sojiro said. "This is an art. I didn't expect you to get it the first time."

Sonic groaned and repeated the process.

"I still don't know. I feel like I felt it all over my tongue, but it's coating the back of my throat a bit."

"Good observation!" Sojiro said. "That makes sense for this particular kind of bean. Now keep sipping, and tell me what flavors you detect."

Sonic tried taking a few more sips before setting the cup down.

"I really don't know what you're looking for here," he said, almost apologetic. "It just tastes like coffee to me."

"Well, I guess I hadn't considered that this is your first coffee," Sojiro said. "So you don't really have anything to compare it to. That was my mistake." He took the cup he had set aside for himself, and followed the steps. "When I sip this, I get strong floral notes. And like you said, it coats the throat going down, and it has a nutty aftertaste."

"Wow, you got all that in one sip?" Sonic asked in awe.

"Well, I've been doing this a long time," Sojiro said, taking another sip. "If you'd like, we can try a different blend so you have something to compare it to."

"Thanks, but no thanks," Sonic said. "I've had enough slow for one day. Maybe even one week!"

"Well, it was worth a shot," Sojiro said. "I'm guessing that means you don't want to try the curry."

"You said it," Sonic said. "I gotta run! Oh! I've heard about the tradition, so here. This is a ring. They're all over the place in my world. They come in real handy!"

The golden ring that Sonic produced looked similar to the halo Bayonetta had given Sojiro. However, it was perfectly round, rather than the ovular shape of the halo. Sojiro took it with gratitude.

"Well, thanks for stopping by," he said, not quite sure how to end the conversation.

"Any time!" Sonic said. And with that, he solved Sojiro's problem by taking off.

Sojiro shook his head, partly in awe, partly in confusion. He cleaned up the siphon, taking his time with it, feeling as though he had to make up for the excess speed that had been in the room just a moment ago.

He thought again about Ren and in which ways Sonic reminded Sojiro of him. The desire to be free, the hatred of injustice, it was no wonder that Ren had struck up a friendship with Sonic. But if there was one thing where they were different, it was in Ren's never-ending patience, and willingness to take his time.

Sojiro was reminded of what he had originally set out to do. He needed to heed this epiphany and take his own time. He finished putting away the siphon, hung up his apron, and put on his hat, flipping the sign on the door to indicate that Leblanc was officially closed.

Coffee could wait. He had a daughter he needed to hang out with.


	9. The Royal

Ever since the visit of Sonic the Hedgehog, things had calmed down at Leblanc. The brisk spring weather had given way to the oppressive mugginess of summer. Even with the fans going at full speed and with the windows only letting in so much sunlight, Sojiro could still tell that this afternoon was shaping up to be the hottest of the year so far.

How did he know this? It wasn't the weather forecast on the TV, no it was something much more immediate.

"Come onnnnnnn," Ann Takamaki prodded. "If you served iced coffee you'd get all the business!"

"Forget it, Ann," Sojiro stubbornly said. "Coffee was meant to be enjoyed hot."

"Cold brew!" Ann pleaded.

"No."

"Iced macchiatos!" Ann was practically sobbing.

"I don't even serve hot macchiatos," Sojiro said, laughing at her persistence. Ann sighed in the way that only a teenage girl can and began tugging at the already plunging neckline of her top, trying to air herself out.

"This is worse than when we were in the van on the way to Futaba's palace," she muttered. Sojiro didn't hear her. He was busy doing something in the kitchenette.

"Here," he said plopping down an ice water in front of her at the bar. "That should keep you cool."

"Thanks," Ann mumbled, too tired and overheated to continue the argument. As she sipped the water, she kept thinking about the heat, and about how once upon a time she had bent heat to her will thanks to Carmen and Hecate.

"Something bothering you?" Sojiro asked.

"No," Ann sighed. "Other than the heat I mean. I'm just thinking about old times."

"There's been a lot of that going around," Sojiro said, cleaning out a coffee siphon. "Ryuji was pretty down in the dumps the last time I saw him."

"That's unusual," Ann said. "I mean, unusual since things have gotten better at Shujin. And I just saw him yesterday and he seemed pretty normal."

"Yeah, I think he got snapped out of his funk," Sojiro said. "A friend of Ren's came by and they had a lot in common."

"Oh, you mean one of his friends from the thing I'm not supposed to tell you about?" Ann said, perking up.

"That's the one," Sojiro said, dejectedly.

"Cheer up, Boss," Ann said. "You'll know everything soon enough!"

"I just hope it's before I cave and start offering all those gross iced coffees you're begging for," Sojiro said.

"Hey!" Ann pouted. "Iced coffee is delicious!"

"If you say so," Sojiro said.

"I do!" Ann said passionately. "It's the perfect thing for getting through a long photoshoot."

"How's the modeling going, anyway?" Sojiro asked. "I don't really keep up with that sort of thing."

Ann shrugged, and returned to her ice water, deep in thought.

"It's fine," she finally said. "I just feel like I lost a bit of the forward momentum Ren helped me get, y'know? He helped me decide to go at it with everything that I've got, no matter who stood in my way. And for a while, I was doing really good. I was putting actual work into it for the first time. I had a rival and everything. But then I started to wonder: is this all I'm good for? Just a thing to be prettied up and stared at?"

"Oh come on, Ann, you know that's not true," Sojiro interrupted.

"Ever since we lost our powers, I'm not so sure," Ann said. "My grades haven't gotten that much better, and I don't know that I could tell you that I have any talents outside of modeling."

"Talent is overrated," Sojiro said sternly. "I never saw talent get anyone half as far as hard work. You're doing the best you can Ann, but it's natural to feel burnt out."

"Especially in this heat," Ann said wryly. "You know what might help cheer me up?"

"Stop," Sojiro chuckled. "Iced coffee is not happening here."

"Oh no, that's a shame," a feminine voice said. "I'd been hoping to escape the heat!" Sojiro turned, having not heard the bell on the door. Before he could even greet the customer, Ann shrieked.

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod I can't believe this!" she squealed. "It's really you!"

"Er, really who?" Sojiro asked. Three young women were at the entrance of his shop. Sojiro assumed that they were friends of Ren's, but for all he knew, with their looks and strange dresses, they could have been friends of Ann's too. But that wouldn't quite explain her reaction. In fact, she had pretty much frozen with her mouth hanging open.

"Are these... models?" Sojiro asked weakly.

"They're friends of Ren! Obviously!" Ann was back to shouting in excitement.

"And you must be Ann!" The blonde in the pink dress said, extending a gloved hand. "Joker's told us a lot about you!"

"He did what?!" Ann said, suddenly mortified. "Oh my god, there's no way I can live up to his hype!"

"Oh, don't be silly, dear!" the blonde laughed, waving a hand. "If you're half as good as he says, then you're well worth knowing! But I'm forgetting my manners. I'm Peach."

"Hi, I'm Daisy!" The brunette in the yellow dress said enthusiastically as she practically elbowed Peach out of the way. "Joker says you've got spunk! And I can appreciate that!"

"He also says that you're wiser than you give yourself credit," the third woman said. Though there was a twinkling mischief in her eyes, her voice was serene. Sojiro couldn't help but notice her long, pointed ears.

"Uh, pardon my asking," Sojiro said. "But is there any chance you know a guy named...?"

"Link and I are close friends," she answered. "My name is Princess Zelda of Hyrule. My friends are princesses of other lands."

"Wow," Sojiro said. "I never thought this place'd play host to royalty! You'll, er, have to forgive the state it's in."

"Please, don't worry, Mr. Sakura," Peach said. "We may be royal in title, but we prefer things that are unpretentious."

"Yeah," Daisy put in. "You wouldn't believe how stuffy some of the places you have to go are when you're a princess. A nice hole in the wall like this is a real breath of fresh air!"

"And technically, you played host to royalty once before," Zelda said. "Although I would imagine you'd appreciate if I refrained from mentioning Bowser."

"If you wouldn't mind," Sojiro said, shuddering. "But you mean to tell me he's a king?!"

"King of the Koopas," Peach said. "And a persistent enemy of the Mushroom Kingdom which I reign over."

"Let's change the subject," Sojiro said hastily.

"I'm from Sarasaland if anyone was curious, not that anyone ever is," Daisy said, more than a little grumpily.

"Is it as hot there as it is here?" Ann asked.

"Oh honey, this is nothing," Daisy bragged. "It can get waaaaaay hotter than this back home."

"It's quite deserty in places," Peach agreed. "But the same can be said of the Mushroom Kingdom. Or Hyrule."

"The desert's relationship with Hyrule is a bit complicated," Zelda said.

"Well, I'm sorry I don't have something to cool you off besides water," Sojiro said.

"Oh I'm sorry," Peach said. "I had forgotten: three coffees please."

"You sure? It is pretty hot out," Sojiro said.

"I'm sure," Peach said firmly. "It's only polite for us to give you our patronage."

"You don't have to do that," Sojiro said. "You're already some of the most polite guests I've ever had."

"Thank you," Peach said, smiling warmly. "And I hear your last guest was Sonic, so I'm sure manners have been in short supply. But truly, I do want to experience this coffee everyone's been talking about."

"How can I say no to that?" Sojiro asked. "Coming right up!"

"So tell us about yourself, Ann," Zelda said as she and the others took a seat. "He's told us about your contributions to the Phantom Thieves, and a little bit about your modeling."

The cruel irony of their conversation just moments before sat heavy on both Ann and Sojiro.

"There's not really much to tell," Ann mumbled, looking at her water.

"Everyone has a story," Zelda said gently. "Ren hasn't told us yours, but he's given us no reason to believe that you don't have one."

"I..." Ann stopped. Her insecurities were mounting. She was about to crack and proclaim that she had nothing with the Phantom Thieves gone, but then she caught Sojiro's glance. There wasn't anything particularly special about it. No judgment, or really any emotion whatsoever. And yet, Ann felt bolstered by it. An unspoken support.

"My parents aren't around much," she began. "They both work overseas a lot, so I learned to pretty much take care of myself from the get-go. I'm the only white girl at my school, even if it's only a fraction, so I stand out no matter what. People tended to make assumptions about me, and so I didn't have any friends for a long time."

"That's so sad," Peach said sympathetically. "People can be cruel."

"They can be great too," Ann pointed out. "Like my friend Shiho."

"What's Shiho like?" Daisy asked.

"She's the strongest person I know," Ann said solemnly. "And one of the most honest. The first thing she ever said to me was 'Takamaki-san, your paintings suck!'"

"So she has a blunt charm," Zelda said. "Reminds me of a few people I know."

"It was the first time somebody had ever said something to me without mentioning my looks," Ann said. "It felt like someone really saw me for the first time, and I could see the real her. We were inseparable after that."

"Were?" Zelda asked. "Did you grow apart?" Ann's face fell.

"Not really, no," she said. "But... she had to leave."

"Guys," Daisy butted in. "I think this is getting a bit heavy for Ann. Let's change the subject."

"No, it's okay, I need to get better at talking about it," Ann said. "I can always talk to Joker, or the other Phantom Thieves about it, but I can do better than that."

"We're here with you, Ann," Daisy said. "Go ahead."

"I'm not sure how detailed Ren has gotten in telling you about our adventures," Ann said. "But this is the part of the story where a dickhead named Kamoshida enters the picture."

"I know that name," Peach said. "He was your first target, wasn't he?"

"Yeah," Ann said. "I almost killed him after what he put me and Shiho through."

Ann didn't have to say anything else for everyone to know what she meant.

"I'm sorry," Peach said softly. "No girl should ever have to go through that."

Sojiro shut his eyes, suddenly very tired, and took a long sigh. He hadn't paid much attention to the goings-on at Shujin when Ren had first arrived. Had there been any way that he could have helped? Sojiro didn't know, but if he ever found out for sure, he wasn't sure he'd ever forgive himself. He remained silent as he served the coffees.

"We're with you though," Daisy said. "All of us have been used. Not as terribly as you and your friend, but I think I understand you."

"Oh my god, yeah," Ann said. "I can't imagine how terrible it must be to be kidnapped time and time again!"

"Just the once, actually," Daisy said. "But it still sucked all the same. Peach definitely has it the worst."

"Oh, I don't know about that," Peach said. "I've never really kept track, and Zelda probably has me beat if you count all her different incarnations."

"Hold on, kidnapped?" Sojiro said, more concerned than ever.

"Oh, yes, it's a bit embarrassing, but I'm kidnapped with some regularity," Peach said. Sojiro found it odd that she said it so casually. "Remember how I mentioned that Bowser is the enemy of the Mushroom Kingdom? That's largely because he's so persistent in kidnapping me."

"Dear God," Sojiro said. "How do you stand being abducted _multiple times_ by that thing?!"

"Oh, he's not so bad," Peach said. "He's got a soft side. He's power-hungry, and rude, and he could stand to brush his teeth once in a while, but he'd never actually try to hurt me. At this point, it's more routine than anything. I'd be worried if he didn't kidnap me. Or if he stopped showing up to our races, and tennis matches, and parties."

"I still don't understand that," Zelda said, shaking her head. "I could never socialize with Ganondorf."

"Ganondorf's completely different from Bowser, though," Daisy pointed out.

"I suppose," Zelda sighed. "They do have a few similarities, but Ganondorf does far more harm than Bowser could hope to achieve."

"I remember Link trying to explain all that to me," Sojiro said. "It gave me a headache."

"I won't make it worse," Zelda promised. "But we've gotten quite far from our original topic. How has the modeling been, Ann?"

"Not great," Ann said, allowing herself to be fully honest. "To be honest, I kind of wonder whether I still love it. We've just been talking about how each of us have been objectified, and I'm not sure I want to actively court that."

"There's a certain wisdom in that," Zelda agreed. "But modeling is something that you chose for yourself, and you did so for a reason, yes?"

Ann thought.

"Yeah," she finally said. "I did choose being a model. And I wanted to be the best one I could be. But I think there might be more for me now, I just don't know what it is."

"Everybody asks themselves these questions," Zelda said, placing her hand on Ann's shoulder. "Several of my incarnations were saddled with a great responsibility and struggled under it. Some of them didn't quite live up to it in the way that it was intended. But I would never call any of them failures. And neither are you, Ann."

Ann nearly started crying with joy. Princess Zelda was just the coolest.

"I think I'll give it some time," she said. "I don't want to rush into a decision I'll regret. I'll see if I can't love modeling again, and if I don't, I find something else to love."

"That's a mature outlook," Zelda said. "Fitting for one with the heart of a lover."

"You're a caring soul, Ann," Peach said. "That in itself has value and strength. Just remember, you don't have to stand on your own all the time. I know I don't."

"Me neither," Daisy said. "We've got some pretty cool friends."

"Yeah, you do," Ann said admiringly. "I wish I could meet them."

"Maybe some day," Peach said. "But right now, I'd love to see some samples of your work!"

Ann stammered, taken aback that one of her idols wanted to see her modeling work.

"Oh! Show her the pics you took when you went on that vacation!" Daisy said. "Y'know, the one after the whole moon incident?"

"Good idea, Daisy!" Peach said, taking out her phone.

Sojiro mostly went about his business as Peach showed Ann pictures of her in exotic locales, each one sporting a trendy design that befit the locations with names like "the Metro Kingdom" and "the Lake Kingdom," and "the Cascade Kingdom." Ann in turn pulled up a digital copy of a catalogue of which she had graced the cover. Sojiro may not have understood the whole fashion thing, but he was glad that Ann was getting support and validation from these women.

"If Link has visited you before, you already have rupees," Peach said. "So please, allow me to pay for everyone's coffees. They were superb by the way!"

"Thank you, that means a lot," Sojiro said as he gratefully accepted some gold coins. "And thank you for helping this one," he said, nodding toward Ann.

"Seriously, you guys are amazing," Ann said. "Joker is so lucky that he gets to hang out with you!"

"No, he's lucky that he's known you for so long," Peach said. "Hang in there, Ann, we believe in you!"

The princesses left Leblanc, but the atmosphere still felt lighter than it had before they came in.

"You know, meeting them and seeing those pictures have actually given me a lot of inspiration," Ann said. "I think I may be able to hack this whole modeling thing after all!"

"Good to hear it," Sojiro said, returning to his work.

"Only one thing could possibly make this day better..." Ann said meaningfully.

"_No, Ann._ No. Iced. Coffee!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, this brings us up to speed! The progress on the next chapter has been a bit slow, but on the other hand, I've been working on other chapters as well, so maybe by the time I'll get it done, I'll be able to get the rest of this out quickly! Thanks again for reading, be sure to leave a comment!


	10. In Search of Strong Coffee

The summer heat continued unabated. Even the torrential storms that came this late in the summer brought no relief. There was talk of a bad typhoon season ahead. Sojiro fumbled for his keys, balancing the bags of groceries in one arm. Finally, he got the door open and got to work getting everything into the fridge. He'd sent Futaba to get emergency supplies for the house, and he was proud to hear her report that all had gone smoothly.

She still wouldn't leave the house for the sake of it too often, but it was nearly every day that she could be trusted with some errand, or one of her friends would invite her somewhere, so Sojiro was determined to be pleased with what progress there was.

The heat was doing its best to keep all of Yongen-Jaya in the air conditioned indoors. Which meant that hardly anybody was willing to brave the furnace for a cup of coffee. Finally, even Sojiro had run out of things to polish or reorganize. So, he'd turned on the TV and started work on the day's crossword puzzle, enjoying some time to himself.

The news was going on about the happenings in far-away countries: the mess that Western politics had become, the mess that _Eastern_ politics had become, climate change, very little that was good or encouraging. Despite this, Sojiro found himself wondering whether he ought to travel more.

Leblanc could feel very small at times. Of course, it _was_ very small, but lately, it had been feeling almost claustrophobic. Almost every day for the last few years had been exactly the same: wake up, go to Leblanc, or get groceries and then go to Leblanc, run the shop until closing time, return home. And then Ren had thrown a wrench in that routine bit by bit. Futaba had come out of her shell, and then everything had imploded for a bit there. And now the routine was pretty much back in force, even if it had some new additions like teaching Haru or spending more time with Futaba. Very occasionally, he'd find himself spending time with just Makoto or Yusuke, but as these encounters so often happened within Leblanc, it was hard to acknowledge them as unique deviations from the formula.

When was the last time he'd left Tokyo? Probably when he'd picked Ren up from juvie, and even that hadn't been too far outside the prefecture.

A roll of thunder broke the silence. Sojiro considered changing the channel to the weather to see how bad this downpour was going to be, but an instant later, sheets of rain came pounding down.

Sojiro sighed, prepared more than ever for nobody to patronize Leblanc today. He wondered whether the old umbrella he kept by the door would even do him any good if he tried to go home.

According to the weather channel, the current storm wasn't much to worry about. It would be over soon, and there would be at least three more of a similar magnitude this week before things got really hairy. Sojiro decided to see what else was on TV. A couple of trashy reality shows, the home shopping channel, Featherman re-runs, a special report on the continued fallout of Masayoshi Shido's conspiracy (Sojiro paused long enough to see a snippet of a speech from Toranosuke Yoshida on the subject, but it was only a brief soundbite), it was beginning to look decidedly unpromising.

Sojiro was about to give up when he stumbled across a martial arts classic. Nostalgia filled Sojiro as he remembered when he had seen this movie in theaters in the early '90s. The plot wasn't terribly complex, it was just dudes beating up other dudes, a couple of femme fatales and an evil crime lord, but the acting and fight choreography still held up.

Sojiro was so engrossed in the movie that he almost didn't hear the tinkling of the bell.

"Surprised anyone would go out in this kind of weather," Sojiro said, turning his attention away from the TV. He blinked, wondering if he'd been thinking about the movie too much. He blinked again just to be sure. Because the two young men in front of him looked like they had jumped right out of that movie.

"Ah, we don't mind it," one of them, an American with shoulder-length blonde hair wearing a red karate gi, said. "Nothing like a storm to remind you of being one with nature, huh, Ryu?"

"Forgive our intrusion," the one called Ryu said, bowing. "We were unaware that you were closed."

"Dude, the sign says 'open,'" the American pointed out.

"He's right, technically I'm open," Sojiro said, "I just didn't expect any business today."

"What? That's surprising, after everything we've heard about this place," the American said.

"Ah, I get it now, you're friends of Ren's," Sojiro said.

"Bingo! I'm Ken, and this is my buddy Ryu."

"Pleased to meet you," Ryu said, bowing once again. In certain respects, Ryu was almost identical to Ken. Or perhaps it was the other way around. In any case, there were key differences. Ryu's gi was white, he wore a red headband, and he was obviously Japanese.

"Seen some pretty strange people come here because of that kid," Sojiro said, starting a fresh brew. "So tell me: what kind of fantastical world do you come from?"

"Actually, it's not too different from this one," Ryu said. "I recognized much of the city, it's just the people who are different."

"You from Tokyo, then?" Sojiro asked.

"Oh, no, I just travel a lot," Ryu said. "I'm from the middle of nowhere."

"And I spent a lot of time with this bum in the middle of nowhere," Ken added.

"What'd you do out there?" Sojiro asked.

"Trained," Ryu said.

"Raised hell," Ken said at the same time. Reserved as he was, Ryu grinned at his friend.

"Sometimes you dragged me into it," he said.

"Nah, you were such a stick in the mud," Ken said, punching Ryu's shoulder. "Always trying to remind me that sensei wouldn't approve of this, sensei wouldn't approve of that, Hadoukens aren't one-size-fits-all problem solvers, y'know, just being a buzzkill."

"And you never did listen," Ryu said.

"Nope!" Ken said, flashing a toothy grin.

"So you're martial artists," Sojiro said. It felt silly and obvious to say, but he felt like he could never quite be sure with Ren's friends.

"That's right," Ryu said. "We trained for many years under our sensei Gouken, learning the art of Ansatsuken."

"I thought that was just a myth," Sojiro said warily. He didn't like the sound of an assassination art.

"It very well may be in your world," Ryu said. "For us, however, Ansatsuken is a noble discipline. We dedicate ourselves to self-improvement and being the strongest we can be."

"Uh, yeah, Ryu really goes in for all that more than I do," Ken said. "By which I mean he has no life, and is functionally homeless."

"I do too have a life," Ryu protested. Sojiro noticed that he didn't outright deny being homeless.

"Uh-huh, sure," Ken teased. "How many companies do you run again? How many girls have you dated?"

"Sounds like you live it up," Sojiro said, wryly. Ken laughed.

"Nah, I'm strictly at the beck and call of the wife," he said, taking off one of his fingerless gloves and flashing his golden wedding band. "Not to mention the little guy."

"Oh, you're a dad?" Sojiro asked. "Congrats!"

"Thanks," Ken said, pride in his son obvious. "It's a bigger challenge than any street fight."

"Tell me about it," Sojiro said.

"That's right, Joker mentioned you've got a daughter."

"Yeah, a teenager," Sojiro said. Ken playfully grimaced.

"Ren tells us that you adopted her somewhat recently," Ryu said. "Jumping right into being a father like that can't be easy."

"It hasn't been, but it's getting better," Sojiro shrugged. "I can't really pretend to know what I'm doing most of the time, but it all seems to work out."

As the coffee was finished and served, the conversation continued about the various differences between the Tokyo Sojiro knew and the one that Ryu and Ken knew. They had been right that the people were most of the difference, but Sojiro noticed a few other small differences. There was no Destinyland in Ryu and Ken's world, no Big Bang Burger, even no Yongen-Jaya.

"So how long have you been over here?" Sojiro asked.

"A few weeks," Ryu said. "Coming here was one item on our list, but we wanted to explore the country some more."

"We tried to see what our old dojo was like in this world," Ken said.

"And?" Sojiro prodded.

"Doesn't exist," Ken said simply. "It was so weird. The mountain was still there, but no dojo, not even a shrine or anything like that."

"That had to have been a bummer," Sojiro said.

"We half expected something like that to happen," Ryu said. "We still enjoyed the trip."

"True that," Ken said. "We got to see all sorts of places between here and there. Aw man, Ryu, remember that small town with the steak? I could go for some of that right now."

"Did you happen to see Ren's hometown?" Sojiro asked.

"Maybe, we don't know," Ken said. "He's never talked to us about his hometown."

That made sense, Sojiro supposed. There couldn't be too many happy memories of that place, not after it had turned against him simply for doing the right thing.

"At first, we thought we might go to some other countries, but I'm not sure they'd accept our passports," Ryu said.

"Which other countries were you thinking of visiting?" Sojiro asked.

"Mainly just places that we've been to in our world," Ken said, listing them off on his fingers: "China, England, Thailand, Brazil, Spain, Russia, India, Jamaica, Mexico..."

"Wow," Sojiro said, his eyes practically bugging out. "Where do you find the time?"

"No life, remember?" Ryu said sardonically. All three shared a laugh at Ryu's joke.

"Nah man, you've experienced so much," Ken said, clapping Ryu on the shoulder. "Especially recently."

"We've both been a lot of places, Ken," Ryu said, sipping his coffee. "But going to other worlds like this is on a whole other level."

"You're telling me," Ken said. "I still don't believe some of those places are real. Like that planet where we're tiny, or the one with all those creatures that people keep as pets."

Sojiro really wanted to know what all of that meant, but he knew that if he asked, they wouldn't be able to tell him much. He'd just have to ask Ren whenever the brat finally showed his face.

"So what brought you to all of those countries?" Sojiro asked.

"Mostly fighting tournaments," Ryu said. "The World Warrior tournament has fighters from all over the world go head to head in all sorts of places."

"And by that, we mean that these aren't really regulated rings or anything like that," Ken said. "It's really just street fighting. And half the time there isn't a street!"

The two then regaled Sojiro with tales of their bouts in these tournaments and the places they'd been: sun-kissed beaches in Jamaica, ancient temples and ruins, abandoned factories that blighted the land like scars of the Communist regime that had built them, it all sounded so incredible.

"What about you?" Ken asked Sojiro. "You travel much?' Sojiro responded with a dry laugh.

"Not much time to, with this place to run," he said. "But I've been thinking that maybe Futaba and I could use some time away."

"Do it!" Ken said enthusiastically. "Traveling is one of the best things a kid can do. Opens them up to new experiences and cultures. I think it's an awesome idea!"

"Any recommendations? I wouldn't even know where to start," Sojiro said.

Ryu hummed in thought and took a sip of his coffee.

"If it were me, I'd start by just picking a direction and working my way over several destinations."

"Uh, dude, not everyone can just pick up like you can, remember?"

Sojiro had to admit though that Ryu's idea wasn't entirely bonkers.

"Maybe the destination itself isn't so important," he thought aloud. "Kind of like that old cliché."

"True enough," Ken said. "What's really important is that you and your kid have time to bond."

Sojiro nodded in agreement. Ryu and Ken looked out the window, surveying the weather. The rain was beginning to let up just a bit.

"You thinking it's about time for us to take off, buddy?" Ken asked.

"I think so."

"Well thanks for stopping in. You've definitely given me a lot to think about," Sojiro said, accepting yen from Ryu.

"Thank you for the coffee and conversation," Ryu said, politely bowing. "It was an honor to meet someone Joker so admires."

"Good luck with the kid, man," Ken said, clapping Sojiro on the shoulder. "You'll have to let us know how it goes next time we see each other."

"Will do."

The rain had completely stopped now, and a regular was coming in, giving Ryu and Ken a funny look as they left Leblanc. Sojiro sighed as he prepared the regular's coffee. It looked like he wouldn't be shuttering early today after all. But that was alright, he'd talk to Futaba later that night about having a vacation. He wouldn't put it off longer than that. A spirit of restlessness had taken root in his soul.

He now understood the Eternal Wanderer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy moly, this took a while. A lot of it was already finished, but my writers block has been weirdly specific lately, as I noted when I updated "Harlequin of Hearts" earlier this week. I'll finish most of a chapter and then just stall. In any case, one strategy I used to keep writing was to work on other chapters in this story, so hopefully if I can just get those finished, this story will be complete sooner rather than later. Thank you to everyone who's been keeping up with this, both here and on fanfiction.net. Really means a lot!
> 
> Fun anecdote about this chapter: I almost rewrote the beginning because I was considering having Ryu and Ken's introduction being them fighting outside Leblanc.


	11. Pretender!

"Hm…no, that's still not quite right."

Yusuke Kitagawa stood unmoving at the threshold of Leblanc. This was actually quite inconvenient, as more than once a customer had tried to enter the cafe, only to be stymied by the artist's laser-intense focus.

"Uh…you okay there, bud?" Sojiro asked.

No response.

"Yusuke?"

Still nothing.

"YUSUKE!" Sojiro bellowed. The young eccentric jumped with a start.

"Oh, Boss, my apologies, I was deep in thought."

"Yeah, I can see that," Sojiro said grumpily. "You mind telling me why you're stopping my customers from coming in?"

Yusuke bowed apologetically. "I'm sorry. I was simply immersing myself in the atmosphere of this place."

"I like this place as much as the next guy, hell, maybe even more. But I can't say I've ever seen anybody so captivated by it."

"Oh, yes," Yusuke said in his trademark vague tone of voice. "I was hoping to keep this a surprise, but it seems it may be best to let you know ahead of time. I wish to create a piece of art specifically for this place."

Sojiro was both surprised and unsurprised. On the one hand, he had no idea where this sudden urge came from, on the other, this was very on-brand for Yusuke.

"Well, thanks, I guess," Sojiro said. "But I don't think I really need any more art in here. I mean, hey, the Sayuri's here."

They glanced over at the painting that had played such a central role in Yusuke's life. Sojiro secretly cherished the fact that nobody (outside a very small circle) would ever know that it was in fact the original… in a sense. It was a duplication, but it was a duplication born from the cognition of Yusuke's old art master Ichiryusai Madarame, the second major target of the Phantom Thieves. As such, it reflected the original Sayuri perfectly, as it lacked the alterations Madarame had made to it in order to disguise it as his own work. That alteration had divorced the painting from its context by covering up a key element: that the woman depicted was in fact holding her child. That child was none other than Yusuke, and the woman his mother. As far as Sojiro (as well as a good deal of people in the world) were concerned, it was the most beautiful painting of the current age.

Yusuke smiled gently, as he often did when he looked on the painting.

"Yes, I am forever grateful that the Sayuri has a home like this," Yusuke said. "But I wish to make something truly special for Leblanc. It has meant so much to me, and I know the others, especially Ren, feel the same way."

"Wow. That's really kind of you, Yusuke. Thank you. You can take all the time you need, can you just do it away from the door?"

"Certainly," Yusuke said, and he sat down at the booth in the center of the cafe.

"What were you saying earlier about something not being right?"

"Oh, I was trying to decide what kind of painting I should create," Yusuke explained. "A literal representation doesn't seem fitting, but capturing something immaterial about this place is proving more difficult than I thought."

"Afraid I can't help you there," Sojiro said. "All I know about art is what you tell me, and most of that is way over my head."

"Don't worry Boss," Yusuke said. "I'm sure I'll think of something eventually."

* * *

'Eventually' turned out to be a much longer time than either Sojiro or Yusuke thought. What had turned into a few hours eventually turned into a matter of days. It was now nearly two weeks since Yusuke had begun brainstorming, and he was still nowhere near an epiphany.

"I think I need to cut you off," Sojiro said gently as Yusuke stared into an empty mug.

Yusuke looked terrible. Granted, even on his best days he was wan and pale, given that he had a limited income and most of that was spent on art supplies. But he'd clearly been losing what little sleep he got over this challenge. Ready access to coffee was clearly not doing him any favors. Sojiro was starting to think that he might need to get Dr. Takemi to take a look at him.

"No!" Yusuke said, uncharacteristically gruff. "I must persevere! And to persevere I need coffee!"

"Yusuke, you can't keep this up. It's not healthy," Sojiro said, trying to be calm but firm. He'd been practicing being just a bit stricter with Futaba, with moderate success. Their upcoming vacation would be the true test of his parenting.

"Boss, you don't understand," Yusuke said. "I've got to prove to myself that I can match the Sayuri's legacy!"

"Do you really have to prove that to yourself, or is it actually someone else?" Sojiro asked.

"I…I don't know," Yusuke said. "I want to think that it's for myself, but everything is doubtful now. Maybe I wish to spite Madarame even after all this time. Or prove that I don't need patronage. Oh dear, this might be worse than my previous slump."

"Perhaps you should take a break," Sojiro said. "Do something that, and hear me out now, _isn't art related_."

Yusuke blinked in surprise.

"I don't follow."

"Do something," Sojiro repeated slowly, "that isn't making art, looking at art, or even thinking about art."

"Impossible!" Yusuke said, perhaps a bit more dramatically than he realized. "Art is everywhere!"

"Okay, sure, whatever," Sojiro sighed. "But just try, try to not engage with something as a piece of art and just as itself."

"I don't know if I can do that," Yusuke said hollowly. "I believe that my entire sense of being would unravel if I were to do that. I can feel it starting already. …In fact, I think I'm hallucinating."

"Hallucinating?!" Sojiro said, startled. Even with his thoughts about taking Yusuke to the clinic, a medical emergency hadn't seemed imminent.

"Unless you also see a humanoid fox standing outside the cafe," Yusuke said, pointing towards the front of the store.

Yusuke was not hallucinating, there was indeed a fox standing outside, surveying the cafe, as though it was trying to determine if he had the right location. As Yusuke had said though, he stood on two legs, and was dressed like what seemed to be some sort of pilot.

Eventually, the fox determined that he did indeed have the right place, as he opened the door and confidently approached the bar.

"Afternoon," he said, as though he had been there several times before.

"Hello," Yusuke said vaguely, still not quite believing his eyes. Something seemed to have shaken Yusuke, but beyond the usual, Sojiro had no idea what it could have been.

"You must be Sojiro," the fox said, extending a hand. "Fox McCloud. Joker's told me a lot about you."

"Figures," Sojiro said, reciprocating the handshake. "Good to meet you. Can I get you some coffee?"

"That sounds great," Fox said, taking a seat at the bar. Yusuke was staring intently at Fox.

"Fox," he said, his voice barely a whisper.

"Yeah?" Fox said, turning to Yusuke, who seemed to suddenly snap out of it.

"Forgive me, I didn't mean to say that out loud," Yusuke said.

"And you must be Yusuke," Fox said. "Joker's told me quite a bit about you too."

"Has he? Then surely you're aware that you're not the only fox he knows."

"Uh, pretty sure am," Fox said, his confusion evident.

"You are mistaken, for I am Fox as well," Yusuke said, a bit defensively.

"You're…not though," Fox said, even more confused.

"Yusuke, what are you talking about? And don't antagonize our guest!"

Yusuke gestured wildly, a passion overtaking him.

> "Two foxes appear,
> 
> Inari and pretender,
> 
> And the curtain falls."
> 
> An uncomfortable silence fell.

"I, uh, didn't know you were into haiku," Sojiro said. Privately, he was of the opinion that Yusuke should stick to painting.

"I am indeed a fox," Yusuke said, largely ignoring Sojiro. "For that was my name as a Phantom Thief. And I embodied its graceful spirit completely!"

"Okay, but, I'm a literal fox," Fox replied. "It's not the same."

"You think that your biology makes you a 'real' fox?" Yusuke said, outraged.

"Uh, yeah," Fox said.

"Philistine! I am cunning and swift! Wily and untamable! A true gentleman thief, like my forebear Goemon!"

"Hey! Foxes aren't thieves," Fox protested.

"Uh, isn't there some truth to the stereotype about chicken coops?" Sojiro pointed out.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Fox said, just the tiniest bit defensive. "I've certainly never stolen anything."

Yusuke had abruptly shifted gears.

"Perhaps your theft was more metaphorical," he mused. "Perhaps you too have stolen somebody's heart!"

Fox was quick to respond, and if he hadn't been covered in fur, Sojiro was reasonably certain that he would have been beet red. "It's complicated. …But when you put it that way, I guess I've snatched victory from more than one would-be conqueror."

"Oh? So what is it you do?" Sojiro said. "You look like some sort of pilot."

"You got it," Fox said. "I lead a mercenary team. Team Star Fox. We protect the Lylat System, for a fee."

"A soldier of fortune," Yusuke said. "So you steal not only victory, but you place your virtues at the whims of capitalism!"

"It's a living," Fox said nonchalantly. He paused. "Actually, it's more than that to me. It's a legacy."

That word piqued Yusuke's interest.

"What kind of legacy?" He asked.

"I didn't start Team Star Fox," Fox explained. "My father James did."

"And you lead it now," Yusuke said, "out of familial obligation?"

"Partly," Fox said, rubbing the back of his head thoughtfully. "I'm not sure I'd call it an obligation, maybe something more like a destiny. Revenge was part of it too."

Sojiro served the coffee as things began getting interesting. Fox explained how the Lylat System's politics had been in turmoil for many years. He explained the clash between General Pepper of Corneria and the mad emperor scientist Andross.

"Pepper exiled Andross to the hostile planet Venom," Fox continued. "But later, he started receiving troubling reports. So he sent my father's team in. But they were betrayed by one of their own."

"Ah yes," Yusuke said bitterly. "Something that we too faced. Traitorous crows seem impossible to stamp out, don't they?"

"Well, pigs in my father's case," Fox said. "Pigma Dengar was a member of his team who sold him out to Andross. What do you mean by crows?"

"Oh, forgive me, Crow was the code name of Akechi. The member of our team who betrayed us and tried to kill Joker."

Sojiro winced at the mention of the sham Detective Prince. He'd come dangerously close to succeeding in his goal of killing Ren, and even now Sojiro could hardly believe that Ren had pulled off such a daring escape.

"So that's how you became team leader, and you ended up avenging your father," Sojiro summarized.

"That's the broad strokes of it, yeah," Fox said. "Our team had a pretty steady gig defending Corneria for a while there. I like to think Dad would be proud of me. Least Peppy says he would be, so I guess I'm doing pretty okay."

"But at what point do you lead the team for yourself? Or do you at all?" Yusuke asked. Fox seemed a bit surprised by the question.

"I...never really thought of that," he admitted. "I trained all my life to be a pilot, so if I weren't leading the team, I'd be doing the same thing as a member of the Cornerian Army. But I do things my own way, so I guess it has kind of become my own."

This didn't seem to satisfy Yusuke, but he asked no more questions for now. Fox had noticed the dissatisfaction in both Yusuke's question and his own answer.

"And what about you, Yusuke? What do you have to make your own?"

Yusuke looked Fox over, seemingly unsure if he wanted to unload on the vulpine pilot. An encouraging glance from Sojiro prompted his answer.

"I'm a painter, as I'm sure Joker has told you. But as of late, I've found myself in several creative slumps. Once, Joker helped me out of such a slump, during a time when I wasn't sure I was painting for the right reasons. Those doubts have returned, magnified by a newfound need to make my own legacy."

Fox stared into his coffee.

"Look, I'll level with you. I don't know _anything_ about art. And frankly, I'm probably not the person you want to talk to about this. Only you can truly know your reasons for doing something, and your legacy? That's totally out of your control. I continued my father's work out of respect for him, but also because lives were in the balance. Going forward, it could become something completely different. And if the team is still around after I'm gone, who knows what my own legacy will be? I guess...I guess if I had to put a neat button on this with some sage advice, here's something Peppy used to tell me: Never give up. Trust your instincts."

Yusuke sat, absorbing Fox's words.

"To be fair, Peppy also loved advising me to do a barrel roll, so take any words from him with a grain of salt."

Yusuke and Sojiro shared a laugh with Fox.

"You've given me a lot to think about, Fox," Yusuke said, standing up. "Thank you. Boss, I think I'll try your advice. Perhaps I'll read a book or watch a film without trying to dissect its artistic elements quite so closely."

"Good luck, kid," Sojiro said as he waved goodbye to Yusuke.

"He'll be okay?" Fox asked.

"I think so. He's gotten out of a slump once before. And between you and me, I don't think Ren had as much to do with that as Yusuke thinks."

"This was an interesting trip. I'll have to pass the recommendation on," Fox said as he counted out Lylat credits and slid them across the counter to Sojiro.

"You and your teammates are welcome any time," Sojiro said. "Fly safe!"

Three days (two and a half fox weeks) later, Yusuke returned.

"How'd the experiment work?"

"I think it was successful," Yusuke said, carefully placing a large, flat package on the bar. "Naturally I couldn't completely divorce my artistic eye from anything I engaged with, but I think I learned how to see a bigger picture. I shall have to try to do it more often."

"Is that what I think it is?"

"Please, if you would open it, I'd be honored."

Sojiro carefully ripped the paper off the rectangular object. Sure enough, it was Yusuke's new painting for Leblanc.

"Oh Yusuke, it's beautiful. Thank you so much!"

"It is I who should be thanking you. And our mutual friend, but I think that this work goes a long way towards that."

The painting -which Sojiro would later hang near the stairwell- was of a traditional style, something that Yusuke typically did not approach in his own painting. It depicted an idyllic shrine, with numerous arches leading up a stone pathway. And at the foot of the path, in front of the foremost arch, sat a red-scarfed fox.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when you have a chapter mostly finished for a period of months, and then re-watching "Fantastic Mr. Fox" because it unexpectedly dropped on Disney+ made you want to throw in a reference that doesn't really fit the rest of the story, let alone the chapter. Anyway. We're in the home stretch now, but as I've said before, I make no promises about when I'll update again. Hopefully soon!


	12. Coffee Culture

The year was drawing to a close. Sojiro had not received too many new visitors lately, at least those of the unordinary kind. In a way, it was making him feel almost forgotten. Perhaps everybody who had cared to take Ren's suggestion for coffee had already arrived. But why hadn't anybody visited more than once? Sojiro tried not to take such things personally, but he'd honestly started looking forward to new guests.

The vacation with Futaba had been a great success. They hadn't left Japan, that would hopefully come another time. Rather, they'd gone south, enjoying the tropical climate of Okinawa for a week. Haru had capably looked after Leblanc while they were gone, but as glad as Sojiro was to be back, being back had just reminded him that his days were fairly rote without the strange visitors.

His melancholy was not destined to last forever, as a crisp day in early fall would prove.

Futaba had finally started school at Shujin Academy, which had just begun its second term of the year. It had taken some pull from Sadayo Kawakami, Ren and Ann's old teacher, but Futaba had been allowed to test into the current year after taking the first term off. Sojiro hadn't yet heard any stories of new friends, but at least Ann and Ryuji were still there to help keep an eye on her, if just for one semester. Yusuke of course was now a third year at Kosei, while Makoto and Haru had graduated and moved on to university.

Sojiro tried not to think too much about what would happen if Futaba hadn't made any new friends by the end of the year and she was left alone. For one, he had to have faith in his girl. He just knew that if she could be broken out of her shell once, it could keep happening. Not that he expected her to become an extrovert. No, she'd always be a little quirky and weird, and perhaps even a bit antisocial (just like her mother), but if Futaba could make just one new friend by the end of term, Sojiro would consider himself…not a success as a parent, but at least one step above failure. And even when Futaba graduated high school and moved out, as she was sure to do, Sojiro hoped, they'd have each other for the rest of their lives.

That was a comforting thought: that there are at least a few mainstays one has for the entirety of their time on Earth. How some relationships just naturally stand the test of time. They may evolve and grow, or they may not and still feel fulfilling.

It was only fitting then, who the next visitor would be.

He arrived without any fanfare or buildup of suspense. He had just walked right in, sat at the bar and ordered a coffee. He was unassuming and friendly, and by all accounts a normal, if funny looking, guy. All the same, Sojiro just knew he had to be yet another one of Ren's new friends.

He took a deep breath, inhaling the aroma of Sojiro's coffee. He exhaled contentedly.

"So, what do you think?" Sojiro asked. Eyes twinkling, the latest visitor flashed a grin so broad that even his bushy mustache couldn't obscure it.

"Mama mia! That's some good coffee!"

"Glad to hear it," Sojiro said. "I'm sorry I don't serve espresso here."

Mario waved off the apology.

"Don't worry about it," he said. "We drink more than espresso in Italy."

"I've always had an appreciation for the coffee culture there," Sojiro said. "They get coffee."

Mario nodded.

"It's about your community," he said. "Taking a moment and just breathing."

"Exactly," Sojiro said. "Coming together to caffeinate and enjoy life."

Mario hummed in agreement.

"I do miss it sometimes," he said. "But the Mushroom Kingdom has plenty to offer in the way of community too."

"That's right, you're from the Mushroom Kingdom," Sojiro said, remembering Peach and Daisy. "I've met a few of your friends."

"Oh yes, so sorry about what happened with Bowser."

And here Sojiro thought he had forgotten that for good.

"Er, I was talking about Peach and Daisy. I thought Bowser was your archenemy."

"Oh, he is. But that doesn't mean we don't invite him along for social events. That'd just be rude!"

Sojiro remembered that Peach had said something like that, and honestly he still didn't get it. But hey, he was talking to a plumber who rode dinosaurs and got launched into space. Playing golf with a turtle-dragon-thing was the least weird part about all this.

"You know, he enjoys a cup now and then too."

"You're kidding," Sojiro said. "We didn't even get that far before I was fearing for my life."

Mario nodded solemnly.

"He has possibly as many as eight children. We're not really sure about most of them, but we know for sure that one of them is his. But he's got a kingdom of his own to run on top of that. I may not like him all that much, but I think I understand him."

Sojiro shook his head in amazement. "Wow. You're a much better person than me. I don't think I could even try to understand someone like that."

"I don't think that's true," Mario said earnestly. "Everyone's got a little good in them! Even if they don't believe it themselves. You seem a pretty understanding guy, especially from what Joker's told me."

"Well, I do my best," Sojiro said hesitantly.

"There you go! You just gotta remember that sometimes it takes a little oomph to get to your best."

Boy, was that ever true. Sojiro still felt embarrassed about how Ren's first couple of days in Yongen-Jaya had gone. How much homier could it have been if Sojiro had only put in a modicum of effort? He tried not to beat himself up about it too much, especially since things had turned out alright, but it stood as a reminder to Sojiro that apathy would earn him nothing.

"So, if Bowser shows his hide around here again, just try to understand him," Sojiro said dryly.

Mario nodded. "It might take a bit more than that, but it might be all you can do," he said. "And if he ever gives you any trouble, just call me or my brother and we'll set him straight!"

That made Sojiro feel a little better. A period of amiable silence passed in the cafe. Mario looked out the window.

"Weather's getting colder."

"Mm," Sojiro hummed. "Business should be picking up again."

"I hear that you haven't had many guests lately from our side."

"It's true, you're the first one in a while."

"Don't worry, someone else will come along sooner or later."

"I had started to miss it before you came along," Sojiro admitted. "The days were feeling kind of monotonous without some strange new visitor."

"Yes, I've had days like that," Mario agreed. "Sometimes it feels like more of the same old same old. But do you want to know what I think?"

Sojiro glanced at Mario, silently urging him to continue.

"I think that every day can hold an adventure, if you only know where to look."

Sojiro chewed on that thought as he brewed another batch of coffee.

"Yeah," he said slowly. "It doesn't have to be a big adventure, it's all in your mindset."

"The littlest things can bring the greatest joy. That's why I'm so happy all the time!"

"You should hang around here more often," Sojiro chuckled. "I think I could learn a thing or two from you."

Another companionable silence followed as they enjoyed the rest of the coffee. Mario stood and stretched.

"Well, I think it's about time I was off. Thank you so much for the coffee!"

"Any time. Seriously."

When Mario tried to pay, Sojiro begged off. "I already have some Mushroom Kingdom coins in my collection." Mario bowed politely and went on his merry way, out the door, down the street and into a large green pipe that _definitely_ hadn't been there before.

Sojiro smiled gently as he watched the sun dance off the buildings and signs of Yongen-Jaya. He didn't know when another one of his new regulars would drop by, but he hoped it'd be soon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I struggled a bit with this one length wise before realizing that it didn't necessarily need to be any longer than it ended up being. It could just be a nice little chapter to end things on a high note...except that we still have a full chapter and an epilogue to go! How do you top THE Mario being a guest? You'll just have to wait and see!


	13. EVERYONE IS HERE!

The night had dragged on, seemingly without end. Finally, the last of Leblanc's customers had gathered their things and left. Sojiro locked the door and flipped the sign to "closed," a pang of nostalgia reminding him of how that had once been Ren's job. He had planned to get everything cleaned up quickly and get home to watch a movie with Futaba, but that plan would soon be forgotten.

A tap at the door startled him, before he groaned, not looking forward to having to wave someone off who couldn't--or wouldn't-- read. To his surprise, it was Futaba, Ryuji and Ann. He hurried to the door and let them in.

"What brings you over here? I thought we were going to watch a movie," he said.

"Change of plans!" Futaba said, a look of mischief glinting in her glasses.

"We got upstairs covered," Ryuji said as he and Ann practically sprinted up the stairs.

Before Sojiro could ask what was going on, Makoto, Haru, and Yusuke had joined them.

"Should I put more coffee on?" Sojiro asked, still taken aback.

"Thank you, Boss, we shall need quite a large amount of curry as well," Yusuke said as Haru took her usual place behind the counter.

"Okay, how large are we talking?"

"Large enough that you'll need help." Sojiro jumped at the new voice. Link had returned.

Nobody except Sojiro seemed surprised by the warrior's sudden entrance. But having realized that asking questions right now was fruitless, Sojiro instead grinned and said "Welcome back, kid. Think you remember how it's done?"

"I've been practicing," Link said. "I hope I can impress you."

They got to work right away. Sojiro was pleased to see that the former Phantom Thieves had helpfully brought along a large supply of ingredients, as well as other snacks and assorted party foods.

"We'll have to be quick," Link said. "I believe that Kirby is making a beeline for us."

"Oh no," Sojiro said solemnly. Deep down, however, he looked forward to seeing the little cream puff again.

"Mmmm this smells delicious, Mr. Sakura! The coffee is even better than last time!" Isabelle had apparently taken a seat at the bar without Sojiro noticing. When had she gotten there?!

In fact, Leblanc had filled up entirely. Every unusual guest Sojiro had had over the last few months, plus several he had never seen before. Kirby was eagerly inhaling a plate of curry, only for both him and Sojiro to be completely blindsided by the little guy being smacked clear across the room by a giant hammer.

"Leave some for the rest a' us, ya gluttonous glob!" A giant penguin-like creature bellowed, shaking the hammer at Kirby.

"Sire, remember no fighting," a masked creature said. He looked to be about Kirby's size, but the mask and cape lent him an air of dignity that stood in stark contrast to Kirby's effervescent innocence.

"Aw calm down Meta Knight, I'm just makin' sure he doesn't wreck the party!" the penguin thing said as he grabbed the plate of curry and swallowed it himself.

"King Dedede is very concerned with fairness," Isabelle explained in a conspiratorial whisper to Sojiro. "Especially where Kirby is concerned." Sojiro could only weakly nod.

Link, as it turned out, had not been lying. He had clearly been practicing, and his curry had taken a divergent evolutionary path. It wasn't the same curry Sojiro had taught him to make, but it was almost as good.

"I can hold down the fort here for a while," he said, "Go and mingle. You deserve a break."

Sojiro really just wanted to sit down. But the center booth was completely occupied by what looked to be the bad guys: Bowser, a giant crown-wearing crocodile, a purple dragon who he could only assume was the notorious Ridley (he alone made the entire room feel cramped with just how big he was), and a man who gave off an air of indescribable evil. Sojiro remembered then that Ryuji had said something about upstairs, so he decided to check it out.

On his way, he passed Fox, who was examining the painting Yusuke had gifted him alongside a blue bird who was wearing a similar uniform.

"Pretty neat if I do say so myself," Fox said proudly, seeing the resemblance between the scarfed fox and himself. "What do you think, Falco?"

"Meh," was the bird's reticent reply.

The stairway was crowded with people chatting: the princesses, plus another regal young woman in cyan, Little Mac, Bayonetta, and a diminutive alien fellow who was accompanied by a horde of colorful creatures that seemed to be part plant. Finally, he worked his way past the unexpected guests to Ren's old room. All the Phantom Thieves were there along with _two_ younger versions of Link, a pair of children wearing parkas, a backpack toting boy in a baseball cap, a young man with blonde hair and a futuristic red sword, a green dinosaur-like creature, and a dog who was carrying around a duck on his back.

"Hey Boss, glad you could get away for a second!" Ryuji beamed.

"Guys, what is going on?" Sojiro asked, finally deciding that this had gone on long enough.

"I thought it was fairly obvious," Yusuke said. "All of Ren's friends wanted to have a get-together and decided this would be the perfect place." Sojiro was about to have a heart attack.

"I didn't know Ren had this many friends."

"Of course he does," Futaba said from her position on the back of the dinosaur. "Think of how many people he's helped here, then multiply that by interdimensional fight club plus no stigma around a false conviction."

"_Interdimensional fight club_?!"

Punctuating that alarmed exclamation was a loud sound like an explosion.

"We'd better go check that out," Makoto said nervously. "Don't worry Boss, we'll take care of it." She and Haru quickly bustled down the stairs to investigate.

Something wasn't adding up.

"So if all these people are here, where the hell is Ren?" Sojiro demanded.

"Dunno, should've been here by now," Ann shrugged.

"Shulk could look into the future to check," one of the younger Links suggested. 

"That's not how it works," the one called Shulk said. "The Monado is picky about what it shows me."

"Okay, well Ness, you're psychic right? Can't you see the future?"

"I'm not that kind of psychic!" Ness replied. "I can set things on fire with my mind, that's about what it boils down to."

"Can we circle back to the interdimensional fight club bit?" Sojiro asked. Before anyone could answer, Makoto and Haru returned.

"It looks like Wario had a near miss with the curry," Haru said. "We asked him to step outside."

"Any sign of Ren?" Ryuji asked. "Party can't start without him!"

_"It hasn't started yet?!"_ Sojiro thought. He coughed politely to try to get back to the point. He was ignored. Not on purpose; he had to admit, there _was_ a lot going on up here and downstairs. Futaba looked entirely too happy to be riding a dinosaur, Makoto, Ryuji and Shulk were deep in conversation, and Haru and Ann were fawning over the younger occupants. Seeing that he wouldn't learn anything else by staying upstairs, Sojiro decided to return to the kitchen.

A strong stench of garlic invaded his nostrils, but thankfully it seemed to be fading already. Link was still at work, and Kirby was still hovering around looking for a chance to eat. Donkey Kong and Diddy Kong had arrived, currently engaged in a glaring match with the crowned crocodile.

"Are you okay, Mr. Sakura?" Isabelle asked as Sojiro took the one vacant seat at the bar. "You look upset."

"I dunno," Sojiro said honestly. "This is about the last thing I thought I'd be doing today."

"Should we have gone somewhere else?" Isabelle said, panic popping into her voice. "I'm so sorry! I know a different place we can move the party to! Just leave it to me! This is the sort of thing I do for a living!"

"No, no it's fine," Sojiro reassured the little dog. "It's just a lot to take in. And nobody's seen Ren."

"That is odd," Isabelle agreed. "But I know he wouldn't miss this for anything, and he won't leave without talking to you, so why don't you just spend some time with us!"

"What's this all about, Isabelle?" Sojiro asked. "Futaba said something about an interdimensional fight club. I have NO idea what's going on, or how any of you know each other, let alone Ren."

"It's kind of hard to explain. I don't think this is the proper setting," Isabelle said apologetically. "I'm sure Joker will tell you when the time is right."

Sojiro nodded, surveying the room once again. The partygoers had floated among various parts of Leblanc, some who had been downstairs were now upstairs, and vice versa. Yusuke was frantically sketching Bayonetta, who looked far too pleased with the attention. The other dog had placed himself at Sojiro's feet, with the duck eyeing him innocently.

With a jolt, Sojiro realized that he knew some of these people, even though they had never visited. Pikachu had hopped onto the bar, and in his own way was clearly demanding coffee. And to top it all off, Pac-Man was in the mix. Sojiro was an old fart, but even he knew Pac-Man. In retrospect, he supposed he shouldn't have been too surprised. After all, Mario had visited. After that, Pac-Man and Pikachu made a certain amount of sense. Was everyone here a video game character then? Was _he_ a video game character?

Sojiro would need more coffee if he was going to spiral into an existential crisis.

"Hey, it's about time for it to start!" Sonic shouted above the din. Everyone turned their attention to the TV, which a blue robot was fiddling with.

Everyone was now downstairs. It was extremely cramped.

"Er, you mean to tell me this is a viewing party?" Sojiro asked.

"Yes and no," Zelda explained. "It's a general celebration, but there happens to be something we all want to see."

"Shhh! It's time!" Little Mac hushed. The TV had tuned into an awards show. The emcee was speaking.

"There are still lots of amazing moments coming up in the show, we've got more performances and of course the Game of the Year Award announcement --oh--whoa, what's going on?" the emcee had been startled by the lights in the venue going off. The screen behind him flickered with red static.

In an instant of surprise, the static was replaced with the familiar logo of the Phantom Thieves and the slogan "TAKE YOUR HEART." 

"This is Joker. I've infiltrated the theater."

Sojiro's jaw dropped. That was Ren's voice. And that was definitely Ren landing on the ground, wearing the garb of a Phantom Thief.

"Wait, seriously?!" Now it was Ryuji's voice on the TV! "You mean, he went _alone_ to the Game Awards?!"

"But it's so far away! Why is he there?" Ann's voice asked.

"There's only one thing the Phantom Thieves of Hearts specialize in," a boyish voice pointed out.

"He's there to steal a treasure!" Yusuke realized. "Have you already sent a calling card?"

"We're not the ones sending a card this time," the boyish voice said smugly. "In fact, we've been invited. Invited to steal the greatest treasure of all!"

The voices had gone over footage of Ren--or rather Joker--running and pulling acrobatic maneuvers. He now snatched a floating envelope, and with a flourish turned it around to reveal a wax seal with a circular symbol with an off-center cross. The crowd in the theater went wild. And they weren't the only ones.

"WHAAAAAAAT?!" Ann shrieked.

"Smash Bros.?! Is this for real?!" Ryuji was likewise ecstatic.

A group of shadowy figures exploded into the shapes of Mario, Donkey Kong, Link, Samus, Kirby, Fox and Ness.

"We'll be going up against the best of the best!" The mystery voice proclaimed. "Can't wait to see our fearless leader show his stuff!"

The screen went dark for a second, coming in on a close-up of Ren, his mask striking against the blackness.

"Persona!" He called out, taking off his mask. An eruption of blue flame behind him coalesced into the silhouette of a winged figure.

"I am thou. Thou art I. Show the strength of thy will and rage against all challengers!" 

The words "Challenger Pack 1: Joker from Persona 5" flashed on the screen. Everyone in Leblanc applauded. A final logo, announcing "Super Smash Bros. Ultimate" concluded the event.

Everyone was extremely excited. And then, in a moment of artful symmetry, the lights went out.

"Well, how did you all like my performance?" A deep, charismatic voice boomed through the room.

More cheers. A spotlight, courtesy of Ryuji and Ann flashed on the stairs, where Joker was leaning against the wall, looking cool as a cucumber.

"Again, many thanks to our gracious host Sakura-san! I hope you haven't been giving him too much trouble," the wicked glint in Joker's eye prompted some good-natured laughter.

Mario moved to the stairs to the spotlight.

"Yes, thank you so much for hosting us on such short notice! But it only seemed right that this be the place where we officially welcome Joker to the ranks of Smash!" Another round of applause as Joker and Mario shook hands.

Sojiro was stunned. So stunned he almost didn't realize that Morgana had been sitting right beside him for who knew how long.

"You know," he said to the cat, still not quite believing that he could understand him. "I've never particularly understood any of this stuff, but this is on another level entirely. I think I need to go to bed early. Tell Ren to make sure everything gets closed up."

Morgana let out a meow that Sojiro could almost swear sounded concerned.

"Good cat," he said, scratching him behind the ears. Morgana bolted off. Sojiro shrugged and took one last look at the party. Silently, he fished his keys out of his apron and left. 

Sojiro took a deep breath of the night air. It was chilly, but not bad enough that he needed his coat. A smoke would do just fine. He dug around looking for one.

"Boss," a voice interrupted. He turned around. Joker was standing at the door.

"Not right now, kid," Sojiro simply said.

"You're not mad are you?" Joker seemed like a completely different personality than the Ren that Sojiro knew, but in this moment, his guard was dropped ever so slightly.

"Nah, I'm not mad, just tired and confused as all hell, and we really shouldn't talk about whatever we need to while that's the case. A wise little dog gave me that advice. So, come talk to me later."

"Alright, it's a promise."

"Good night, Joker." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, nobody seemed to see this one coming! Of course the only way to top Mario is with my favorite thing about Ultimate: the EVERYONE IS HERE selling point. I legit screamed when I saw Snake along with those words at E3 2018. Scared the hell out of my dog, and she was deaf!   
Thank you again to everyone who has stuck with this story. As per usual, I went back and forth on how to execute this chapter. I wasn't sure I wanted to do a "Game Awards viewing party," but I had trouble thinking of another way for the chapter to have any sort of thrust to its plot. Mishaps and shenanigans are fun, but it's not really good structure.  
Well, all that's left is the epilogue, which to be honest, I've had written for over a year at this point. I might tweak it a bit since some things might not make as much sense now that other parts of the story (including this chapter!) have been written. In any case, we're about at the end. So thank you again for all the kudos, bookmarks and reviews. It really does mean a lot to me.


	14. Epilogue: Beneath the Mask

“Ah, you’re back.”

The words came so naturally and easily that it took Sojiro ten whole seconds to realize that he had even said them. And that he had said them because standing in front of him was Ren, as though he was just coming home like any other night.

“Hey Boss,” he said. Damn that cocky kid. That grin was disarming, to be sure, but Sojiro wasn’t falling for it.

“What the—?! Ren! About damn time!”

_Where have you been?_

_Been searching all along._

_Came facing twilight on and on_

_Without a clue_

_Without a sign_

_Without grasping yet_

_The real question to be asked_

_Where have I been?_

“Good to see the old place has held up,” Ren said, taking his usual seat at the bar. Morgana poked his head out of Ren’s bag and meowed in greeting.

“Mona says hi,” Ren translated.

Sojiro reached over the counter to give the haughty cat a scratch between the ears. The purring coming from the cat was satisfyingly content.

“So you finally showed up,” Sojiro said, lighting up a cigarette.

“Finally got a chance,” Ren said.

Sojiro stared at Ren long and hard. Ren stared back, but finally cracked first.

“I probably owe you an explanation.”

“And a fridge full of food,” Sojiro reminded him.

“Have no fear, Joker’s here,” Ren said, sliding a considerable amount of yen across the counter.

“Do I want to know where you got all that money from?” Sojiro asked. He briefly wondered how Ren had managed to fund the Phantom Thieves’ activities, but he got the feeling he didn’t want to know the answer to that either.

“You wound me,” Ren said, pouting. “You of all people should know how many jobs I work.”

“You’re lucky I’m so soft,” Sojiro said, pocketing the money. “After that party I wasn’t sure what I was going to do when I saw you.”

“Yeah, sorry about that,” Ren said. “It wasn’t my idea.”

“Really?” Sojiro said, not quite believing it.

“Nope,” Ren said, shrugging. “Apparently a party is something of a tradition among my new friends. And someone suggested Leblanc as the location for this one.”

_I’m a shapeshifter_

_At Poe’s masquerade_

_Hiding both face and mind_

_All free for you to draw_

_I’m a shapeshifter_

_What else should I be?_

_Please don’t take off my mask_

_Revealing dark_

“Someone,” Sojiro repeated. “And you expect me to believe it wasn’t you?”

“Cross my heart,” Ren said, holding up a hand as if he were taking an oath. “I think it was Bayonetta, but it might have actually been Snake. Information tends to be a game of telephone with us.”

“I can believe that,” Sojiro said, taking a long drag on his cigarette. There was a long silence.

“I’m sure you have questions,” Ren said.

“I do. But first, coffee.”

“Want some help?” Ren offered.

“Now that you mention it, the space around the stove could use a good scrubbing,” Sojiro said. He half expected a sarcastic retort, but he was pleased when Ren got to work. Morgana meowed, sounding amused.

“Of course, Your Majesty,” Ren grumbled. The cat looked far too pleased with himself.

_Moments of calm_

_Nothing left to be found_

_A mirror right in front of me_

_That’s where I find_

_An empty glass_

_Reflecting the sad truth_

_It’s telling words not to be told_

_I need the mask_

Ren was as hard a worker as ever. Sojiro became acutely aware of just how much Ren had done for him in the span of less than a year. Again, a pang of shame shot through his heart as he remembered how coldly he had treated him that day in April when he had shown up with barely more than the clothes on his back and a palpable weight of angst and sorrow.

But it had only taken a few days for Ren to learn then that he was not alone. In retrospect, Sojiro was grateful for that. He never had told Ryuji or Ann that, and he supposed that he should next time he saw them.

“Coffee’s ready,” he announced. Ren stood up and wiped his brow. He’d made good headway on the messy stove.

Ren sat and took a deep breath, inhaling the smell of the coffee.

“Oh my god, is this Kopi Luwak?” he asked. “You’re breaking out the expensive stuff!”

“Good to see you haven’t forgotten everything I taught you,” Sojiro chuckled. “Then again, I guess I knew that when so many strangers started showing up here on your recommendation.”

“So what do you want to know first?”

“I don’t know that there’s anything I want to know _first_, exactly,” Sojiro said, cleaning his glasses. “It all really boils down to: what have you been doing?”

_I’m a shapeshifter_

_At Poe’s masquerade_

_Hiding both face and mind_

_All free for you to draw_

_I’m a shapeshifter_

_Chained down to my core_

_Please don’t take off my mask_

_My place to hide_

“It’s called Super Smash Bros.” Ren said. “Think of it as an ultra-exclusive interdimensional fight club.”

“Where you fight plumbers, aliens, and dinosaurs,” Sojiro clarified.

“The best of the best,” Ren said. “The greatest video game characters in history.”

“So we _do_ live in a video game?” Sojiro said, startled. The thought _had_ crossed his mind, but actually having to confront it…

“Well, I know you’re sick of hearing about cognition…” Ren began.

“Oh god, please no,” Sojiro interrupted.

“To us it’s life. Real life,” Ren continued. “But yes, to someone on the outside, our life is a game. Not like how that god manipulated me during the entire time I lived here. I think. I'm pretty sure it's different.”

“I don’t think that makes me feel any better,” Sojiro said.

“It’s okay,” Ren said. “Like I said, to us, it's real life. We have thoughts, feelings, choices. But we’re kind of getting off track.”

“Right,” Sojiro said, still trying to wrap his head around the thoughts Ren had just put in it. “So, you got an invite?”

“Technically I was invited to steal one, as you saw. But I guess that's pretty much the same thing.”

“Invited by who?”

“Something called Master Hand. He runs the show. He’s…well he’s kind of just a floating glove. I stopped asking questions.”

“Oooookay. And why couldn’t you tell me anything about it until now?”

“I wasn’t allowed. They weren’t ready to announce my participation just yet, and it was kind of a big deal. The tournaments don’t go on constantly. They take breaks to cultivate the roster. Some people don’t get invited back for a while. This last one was the biggest tournament they’d ever had. The main selling point for spectators was that everyone was back. Me and a few others were late invitees.”

“I think Link said he’d been around since the beginning.”

“Yeah, it started really small a long time ago,” Ren said. “Twelve competitors, and it wasn’t even the same Link as the one you met.”

“Please let’s not get into that,” Sojiro said. “He tried explaining it and it just made my head hurt.”

“Right,” Ren said, moving on. “Anyway, it was a huge success, and it kind of just exploded from there. At first it was just Nintendo characters, but then fan demand led to guest fighters from other universes like Snake and Sonic. And now here we are with a sizable guest list alongside the Nintendo guys.”

_I can’t tell you_

_How to see me_

_Just a cage of bones_

_There’s nothing inside_

_Will it unleash me?_

_Burning down the walls_

_Is there a way_

_For me to break?_

“Anyway, I’m sorry I had you worried,” Ren said. “And if I know you, you’re more worried than ever.”

“Yes and no,” Sojiro answered. “Yeah it’s scary stuff, but I know you can handle yourself. But explain how you don’t have a scratch on you if you’ve been going up against all sorts of things?”

“The fighting works a bit differently than you’d think. It’s all about trying to knock the opponent out of the arena. And when we’re in the fight, we don’t actually hurt each other, just make it easier to smash them off the stage.”

“It sounds like I’d have to see it to get it. But there’s probably no chance of that happening.”

“I wouldn’t be too sure. Occasionally we get to invite people to spectate. The group got to see a lot because they agreed to be part of the scenery for my stage in Mementos. But if I talked to Master Hand, I’m sure you could get a pass.”

“So, I’d be watching you compete? Kinda like a sporting event.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s a good way to think of it,” Ren said. Sojiro laughed.

“Well, I promise I won’t coach you from the sidelines like some other dads I could name.”

As Ren shared a laugh with Sojiro, the older man was filled with pride for everything that this young man had become. And for the first time in a long time, he wasn’t worried at all.

_I’m a shapeshifter_

_At Poe’s masquerade_

_Hiding both face and mind_

_All free for you to draw_

_I’m a shapeshifter_

_Have no face to show_

_Please don’t take off my mask_

_My disguise_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The End! Such a bittersweet feeling, but I'm so glad that this story has attracted a dedicated readership. And what if I told you that I've got at least one good idea for a sequel? For now, I'm going to take a bit of a breather, and enjoy the announcement of the next fighter tomorrow!


End file.
